Triggering (ED) - Teenage Drama Queen

[Psiren]

I’m the popular girl,
The one who owns the world.
I’m the girl you all want to be,
The one who wishes you could see.

I’m the girl with the golden hair,
The one who makes you stop and stare.
I’m the girl with the grey eyes,
Hiding tears behind a mask of lies.

I’m the girl with perfect skin,
Who hides the scars deep within.
I’m the girl who’s never alone,
Skin so thin and pulled over bones.

I’m a teenage drama queen,
I’ll be the one in all your dreams.
I'm a teenage drama queen,
I'll throw my guts up for self esteem.


I don't like this too much. Well I like the last stanza.
I'm not a poet to be honest, prose is more my thing, but I'd like some tips on how to get better at poetry.
=]

[Heaven Knows]

I love the last stanza!
I think the whole thing is good =)
x-x-x-x-x

[LouiseJennifer]

I really really like this poem, so much meaning from the last stansa esp. It's really good.

Louise, xx

[Kaya]

The last stanza is beautiful.

I’m the girl with perfect skin,
Who hides the scars deep within.

The second line needs an extra syllable.

I’m the girl who’s never alone,
Skin so thin and pulled over bones.

I'd take out the "and" here, and put in a comma; but that's just me. :)

[To The Lighthouse]

WOW!!! thats realy good and powerful.

xxx

[_plastic]

damned cool one !
I love it
x

[xxybermancer]

It is powerful.

Beauty is Pain points out something, though.

However, to write better poetry is to be as a painter..practise. Write, write, write! And never fear what you do write; it all comes from the heart and soul, reguardless of how much you or others dislike it.

xx

lxxy

[Psiren]

Thanks for all the compliments and tips guys =]
<3

[browneyedgal]

wow thanx so much for writting this. i can identify with every word.

[Shadowedcorner]

I can't identify with this like browneyedgal can, but I think its a great poem.

[learningtobreathe]

Wow, did you write this? That is so strange, I've seen the last stanza used in thinspo!

[x__elegantlywasted]

those lines from 'big isn't beautiful' that are in the last stanza always get to me.

[Schleier von Dunst]

Quote:

I’m the girl with perfect skin,
Who hides the scars deep within

as said above, the second line there needs an extra syllable. I would recommend putting "from" in there, so you would get "Who hides the scars from deep within", it just makes it flow somewhat better, as the rhythm keeps flowing.

Quote:

Skin so thin and pulled over bones.

again, as mentioned above, use a comma instead of and. More rhythmic stuff

Quote:

I’m a teenage drama queen,
I’ll be the one in all your dreams.
I'm a teenage drama queen,
I'll throw my guts up for self esteem.

A couple of things I would suggest here.

1st, personally, I would put "I'm the one in all your dreams", simply because it seems to fit better. the repetition of I'm could help emphasise that point a bit, particularly because the poem is talking about being a drama queen, therefore wanting to be the centre of attention.

2nd, I would put "Throw up my guts for self esteem" instead of "throw my guts up for self esteem" because it seems to shorten the line a bit, emphasising the harsh reality of the deeper meaning in the poem.

Both personal notes, of course, it totally your choice whether you use them or not

i like it. :)