**** TRIG ED**** (some of it) THE REST NOT, TO DO W FAMILY
( i well know this ED should be IN ed but i am more comfy here, so pls dont bother telling me so, thx)
I have two issues so thought i could just separate them on here rather than two posts...
First the ED part i guess
*TRIG POSSIBLY****
I want to win this, beat anorexia. My doc says, let's just wait and see...HUH????
The following content has been hidden - Reason : weight
I am 5'8'' tall and weigh 98 pounds now. I had to have a bath tonite for my shoulder[new bed] and i peeked in the mirror, theni couldnt look away...i can see EVERYSINGLE RIB, front ,side,rear. I swear my hip bones and collarblades could cut paper. It frightened me horribly. I thought i was going to either throw up, or cry. I look like a skeleton..yet still no help. BTW , Im GLAD i was frightened..helps with teh wanting to recover. I WILL recopver!
So my hubby is coming in wioth me on the weekend. He is LIVID!!! And he already has this dr frightened, he is VERY nervous in his company..my hubby is a big guy and when he gets mad , its scary...
Anyways...nuff of that..the next bit is family...an email i recieved for mothers day;
(from both of them i think...she's drunk)
I'll start out by saying "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY" to you. No this is not from the grave! I'm still alive and kicking believe it or not. What we wouldn't give to be able to give a card to Bamma once again. Life is short and believe it or not when it's gone it's gone. We now know. You wonder where this is coming from I bet. Well guess what. I'm a grown woman too and will say exactly what I feel! First of all boy was I wrong! My greatest gift was always having and protecting my kids. My world revolved around you both. I sure wasnit prepared for the way it would end. Talked about kicked in the gut! And most of all by you. I remember you saying over and over again "mom" it's nothing you guys have done. What a liar you are! You knew all along how you felt inside you just didn't have the guts to tell us. It would have been kinder to tell us 4 years ago. I hate to say it but Theresa was right! I wish now I had never had kids. Hope you have quit your excessive drinking by now. It is not the answer. I'd hate to see Vance and Briane going thru what George and his son are. Karen didn't quit in time. Think of your loving family instead of the drink! If you think Briane believes it's just your meds your sadly mistaken. She's not stupid! She will never forget. I know from experience. I hope you finally got her back on her meds by now.  you have money for booze so that shouldn't be a problem to buy her meds. Sorry kiddo but it"s the truth. You are not giving the medicine a true chance by stopping and starting it. I hope she doesn't question you in years to come. That little one took it with out fail everynight she had them.  She did her part without fail! Hope you have an answer for her as to why you stopped her taking them. I was advised to express my feelings. I think it's about time I did. I'n closing I'll just say sonething that really surprises  me. All your life people have always said how kind you are. Everybody said it even when you were little and didn't know what it meant. Where did that part of you go? No need for a reply. I think you've said enough. We get the message!Â
SO, once again it IS ALL my fault, im an alcoholic, lying child-neglecting , spineless bitch. Glad she told me..i never knew....
As for the meds, my daughter need meds ad there was a mix up, the dr put the wrong mg on it, so hubby had to take another day off so we copuld backl to childrens hosp. and get the right ones. Now childrens hosp. is THE hosp. appt are 6 months to a year waiting list, they found us a spot after 7 months...It a drug that they make on site that no pharnmacy can make., only that hosp.. PLUS i wasnt even drinking then..but they see what they want...
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ME!!
Just what io needed to read and have sent. Just **** off please and leavwe me alone..that's whu i KNOW she's drunk as she would NEVER write, send, use the computer otherwise.
But know what...I DONT CARE!!!
I've been waiting for a blast..please pray for me this will be it
OH that would be heaven, im sorry to say..but they are horrible ppl.
Suprisingly, I was VERY happy, over the moon happy...and this hasnt caused ANY urges, hasnt taken ,my happy away, dented it a bit..but i REFUSE to allow them to ruin my life anymore for/because of them.
What your mom said to you is too disgusting for words.
I'm so glad that you are getting help with your anorexia! Go you!
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
But thats the problem...Im NOT getting help for it...my doc, after weighig me and saying 'that's low' he has done nothing. I even brought him the referral form to the local ED place but he said , "well lets just see what happens ok? If you drop more well look into it" :O
WTF???!!!
So thats why hubby is going with me on the weekend..he is ****ing livid and he HATES this guy...he has been inept since day 1 in most ways,(and i just didnt have the nerve to do anything about it..i was scared) but i MUST be under direct , regular dr's care or my benefits are cut off...so im desperately trying to find a new doc!!!. SO im stuck with him till then....
Despite everything love I agree with some of the stuff your mum said. Don't look to the drink... . But you KNOW this already so it becomes a moot point. What your mother said is true. To her. To your they're horrible people and you've finallly told them how you feel so to them you aren't nice. I may be playing devils advocate here and get grumpy with me if you want but I don't think the letter is as bad as you think. It's certainly not a 'nice' letter but I don't think it's absolutely horrible. Your parents have hurt you a great deal and gotten away with it without you lashing out. You finally lashed out and they can't handle it. So they're also hurt. That being said NO it's not your fault. So it took you so long to get up the courage to stand up to them, it's not like you weren't going through piles of sh*t at the time! You don't neglect your child. You do everything you can for her! They have pointed out one thing. About meds. They obviously don't understand what happened, therefore it becomes a moot point. If there was a massive long list of things that they think you've done, then I might be a little worried but there isn't. She's clutching at straws. Lashing out at you for having the guts to stand up to them. She didn't do a very good job really. Clutching at straws and trying to fins ways to make you hurt. Doing it badly as well! Honey, you have so many problems but you are FINALLLY getting through them. I hope your hubby puts the fear of God into your idiot of a doctor and gets your some help! I'm glad your scared. I hope it terrified the SH*T out of you! I hope you never get excited that you could count your ribs. That would break my heart I think.
You are a wonderful lovely person. YOu are honest to US, not always to yourself but honest all the same. You didn't tell your parents how horrible they were because you are fundamentaly a lovely person. They aren't. I'm glad you stood up to them. I'm glad you're not harming. And i'm glad you're getting help. I love you lots and you're a wonderful person.
I'm not sure if any of this actually makes any sense. I'm typing thorugh a slight fog at the moment as it's late, i'm tired and just want the world to go away for awhile. But I don't mean anything bad by anything I said, so if something comes across nasty please forgive me, I don't mean it like that. love you lots!
Jess
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
romp, i'm so sorry you're in a bad place. I'm sorry I couldn't read all of the post, but I do care. sending warm hugs.
try not to beat yourself up about things coz like others have said you try so hard and you're such a lovely person.
wish there was more I could say. I just really want you to feel like you have a little peace, a little rest, a little happiness without all the trials of the illness.
much love
you will get there, i have no doubt keep your courage and strength up. Treat yourself kindly.
xxx
How fortunate you are to have a husband who stands up for you.
I'm sorry I didn't understand about the doc. Let your husband explain things this time. Maybe it will help if the doc hears it from someone who has been witnessing things.
*gives you a hug*
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Thankyou all!!! Your caring, means a lot to me :o)
And Jess, I take NO offence at what you said.
Exept i WASNT drinking at that time. I was on antaabues and have limited myself to two beers a night..and best of all...I usually dont even have them. This has been for 8 months now about.
They know that too.
But it's done, and as horrible as it may make me seem..Im happy about it.
No more living a lie, with ppl who have never really liked me, (unless i pleased them), No more, "oh god , what will they think??, no more walking on eggshells, needing extra meds when they come to visit. NO MORE LYING!!!
They don't like ME, they like the me who they created only...i've known this all my ife.
Would have been nice too, if she had of had the guts and respect to write when she was sober too.
Thanks all
romp
(its dented me a lil, but i feel more freedom and happiness for it all..if that makes me horrible , so be it. I have never felt this way, this freedom and happiness, before, and i love it. Better still, so does my hubby and daughter :o)!!)
Im glad you were shocked by how you looked, I know that wont make the problem go away but at least you are in the right frame of mind to start dealing with it. That doctor of yours seems useless IMO I dont know how he can't see the problem, my only thought (and im not deffending him here) is that maybe if you are pushing for help saying you need to get well then the ignorant ****er might think that you dont need the help because you are trying to sort it yourself if that makes sense. Hope your hubby helps sort it tho.
As for the email, im sorry im not going to be much help there im useless when it comes to family advice. Don't let her get to you tho it seems to either be a way of hurting you like you hurt them when you told them how you felt or an attempt to give you "harsh truths" to try and make you be the way she wants. either way chin up hun *hugs* xx
If I pretended I was blind
And struck it from my mind
Would it still be there?
What if I'd do anything
To make it seem all right
I finally got Lei'd in Vets....It was an enjoyable experience!
Im glad you are taking so much positive stuff from all that is happening. Im so proud of you that you are wanting to recover, and I know you will do it. sending you big hugs Rompxx
Differences...are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open. GOF
Albus Dumbledore
.gif "rose")
keep your courage and strength up. Treat yourself kindly.
