My mother in law has been struggling with cancer now since August. She went through one round of radiation, and has developed more spots. The doctors just keep pushing the dates back. First, it was February. Now, July. She could be living with this for years, until she decides to give up and die. I've grown so close to her, especially since she has been such a huge help since my child was born nearly 2 years ago. I'm not dealing with the news nearly as well as she is. I've been drinking daily since I got the news to maintain a sense of numbness about it that I can handle. the only option I came up with was pulling away. Putting some distance between us so I wouldn't have to watch her die slowly. Her seeing my child is what's been giving her the will to survive. I can't take that away from her. But I can't stand how it feels like this is tearing me apart. I'm not the one with the terminal cancer. I shouldn't be such a baby about this. And when the time comes, I'm going to have to be strong for my husband and child, but I just don't have it in me. I'm falling apart, but I hide it so well, no one knows.
So how am I supposed to cope with this? Any suggestions welcome.
D
"A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart." - Albert Camus
My advice to you is this...
When you feel like you want to drink to feel numb, remember that means you won't be as aware as you could be to enjoy the time you have left with her. I know it sucks to watch someone with terminal cancer. I've been there before. But, I didn't want to get lost in a drunken state because I wanted to enjoy what little time I had left with her. Maybe this isn't helping you at all, but I'm not really good at the advice bit...
hi there
i would echo what acensh92 said, it is one of the most difficult things you can go through watching someone close to you deteriorate but you may regret it in the future if you dont cherish the time you have left with her.
my brother had cancer, which thankfully was not terminal and i found that very difficult so i cant imagine what you are going through. but try to draw strength from your mother in law, she is facing this head on and she is coming to terms with the fact that the inevitable is closer than she hoped it would be. she will want to spend time with all of you and enjoy the time she has left. do what you can, try your best and when its hard you and your husband can support each other.
"When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you" - Dr Samuel Loomis
Delikatskin,
I just want to start by saying i like your name. As a blonde in So. Cal, i totally understand.
If you drink to bury your feelings, you will just have to feel them later. Then when you feel them later you will have regrets that will make them feel even worse.
When I was in my teens, I watched my granddad die of leukemia. There wasn't a lot I could do but I'm glad I did what I could.
Your sorrow shows how much you appreciate having her in your life and how much you love her. You are losing a dear friend. Cry in private if you need to. Tell your husband how much you love his mother and how sad you are about what is going on. He will respect you for that much more and won't have to worry about you and your drinking at the same time he worries about his mother.
*Sending a big cherishing bear hug across The River to you in Arizona*
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
I did some journaling this morning and discovered a possible connection between my bond with my mother in law and my being adopted. I didn't get any further than that. I'm supposed to hang out with her today. She's going to go with me to take my son for his second-ever haircut. I can fake almost anything around anyone, but I'm starting to feel like I should tell her the truth. Except that she really doesn't deserve the burden of my pity. So to be able to put on the "happy face," I've had a drink. Every part of me keeps telling me to pull away now. It's going to hurt like hell. I'll never be as close to anyone again. I just can't bear it.
I've been suicidal in the past 2 years, on atleast 2 occasions. She's the reason why I'm still here. What will I do without her?
"A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart." - Albert Camus
well, you also have your son and husband...she can't be the ONLY reason you haven't killed yourself. It will suck for awhile, I'm not trying to take away from that, but think about who else is here...
