Graphic / Triggering - its done now...*graphic/triggering/sexual abuse/sh*
Done.
just like she said, she said if i didnt report him it would happen and she hoped that she was still around when it did. Why didnt she tell, she was supost to tel, its her job.
she was right
i ran the blades down my arm felt the blood the rush the release, i dont care anymore, screw giving up, i need it too much, i like a drug, makes everything ok.
i dont want to be a doormat anymore.
i dont want them to use my body as a playground.
its mine.
if i cut it enough they wont want to play anymore.
thank you.
god, i feel so dirty, usually i can drown myself in helping other people, but at the moment thats not even helping me.
Everyone always tells you that you have a purpose, i say it to other people all the time, but i feel like such a hypocrite. If my purpose is just a as shell a body for men to treat as they like, i dont want to live like this any more.
i cant even talk to they people who are paid to help, because they've given up.
hun i'm sorry you're not doing great right now but please dont hurt yourself even though you said 'they' wont want to play anymore if you cut enough.
you dont have to live like this anymore hun, you can stop it you have the power to turn your life around, but you will need help and support in doing that.
you need to keep trying to find someone who you can talk to not everyone is going to give up on you ok.
i hope you are going to be ok. if you want to talk pm me
I just want to say that I know how you feel, and that the feeling of being dirty will pass. What these men do/have done to you is not your fault, it has nothing to do with what kind of person you are. Whatever has been done to you, please don't give up, you are a wonderful, amazing person, who has had terrible experiences that weren't and aren't your fault.
Sending you huge hugs and lots of love *hugs and love*
Please take care of yourself sweetie, and PM me if you ever want to chat ok? Stay safe.
Love
Katie xxx
Ask me mistakes I have made
Ask me whether what I have done is my life
Others have come, in their slow way -
And some have come to help, or to hurt -
Ask me what difference
Their strongest love or hate has made.
Hey hun, you've done nothing wrong! I know exactly where you're coming from have been raped by males myself (and yes I am male) I use the word male but really these people are scum and they are certainly NOT MEN! I can totally understand why you want to cut yourself BUT don't give these animals the satisfaction of destroying your body and your mind! These people are very weak, sick and sad individuals that don't understand love, feelings or anything else, how sad for them! If you feel that you can report what's happened that's a huge step forward, just as is discussing your feelings here! Those animals wouldn't be capable of doing that!
Yes I believe that we are all here for a purpose because otherwise there would be no point!
Anyways stay safe and am here if you need to talk!
thank you so much guys, for your hugs and kind words, it's just i've had so long to 'fix' things i spent 8 months in hospital not that long ago, that would have been the perfect oppertunity to make it stop, but i couldn't, i didn't feel strong enough. I still don't.
I so desperatly want to make it go away because i know i can't live like this for much longer, but i also know if i report it and have to go to court, it'll destroy so many people, and i won't live to see the end of it.
What ever i do at this point feels like it'll end up with me being dead, i don't want to die, i know that, but i just can't deal with living any more.
I spent christams day and now i've spent new years eve on my own because my family have spent it with him. They chose HIM over me. I can't even begin to explain how that feels.
*Cuddles you* Hello there im so sorry that your struggling and for the pain that your going through. Im very sorry that your having to go through all of this. You dont deserve this at all you really dont. *Gives you a big* Please keep fighting through this, please dont give up. I know its difficult but you can get through this.
I dont think your dirty at all. None of this is your fault. I think your very brave indeed. Im proud of you. You have come such a long way through all of this. Things wont always be like this things will change i know its difficult because of what happened and that you will never forget what happend. But please dont give up ok sweety.
We all care about you so much here at ryl and we will do our very best to help you. I know your going through a difficult time but i believe in you and i believe that you can get through this. Please keep talking to us here. How are you feeling sweety? Please keep yourself safe.
