I occasionally write poetry to figure out what I'm feeling. I know these aren't good at all- I've always been terrible at writing, but I thought I'd share them anyway.
Love again?
maybe not,
maybe so,
No.
at the least,
I would die
of pain,
from seeing my soul
ripped up again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let the pain freely flow
deep drops of my black blood
cascade into hell
where I am lost
forevermore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh! the pain! the despair!
i know, to those girls,
i cannot compare
alone, forever i will be
and as my mother reminds me-
i agree
that even this poem
is worth more than
me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Revenge
they ripped my heart out
mutilated it
and laughed
as i perished
alone
now
deranged,
i rise
to avenge
those who ruined me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
bliss
i’m watching the blood flow
life seeping from my wrists
i would tell u
the truths i’ve learned
but i’m too tired
and soon
the ultimate paradox
will have transpired
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i will bleed out
death will reach out
one way or the other
but maybe
it will be my heart that goes first
which is worse?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Damned
That is what I am
I deserve to BURN
In hell
Forevermore
How could I tell
my friends?
It’s my shame to bear
My grief to wear
My life to end
I hurt them
By doing this
I don’t deserve to stop
What can I do?
Never tell them again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(i wrote this after i told a friend that i SI- i've had some bad experiences with the mental health system, so i was terrified of anyone else finding out)
They know.
I need to hide
My fears inside
Before they hand
Me over.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can’t do this
Nothing has been finished
I wish I were strong
And could help others along
But I can barely get through the day
I have to deal with so many things
I can barely get through the day
I want to give everything to those in need
But I can barely get through the day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I didn’t use to be like this
I didn’t want this
I truly didn’t
I was the good sweet girl
The pretty girl
Pretty kind
On the outside I guess
Or was I kind- and just flawed like everyone else?
Is perfectionism part of why?
Why I descended here
I never wanted this
I want to be innocent again
It’s gone
I’m lost
I would take it back
But I’ve fallen
My soul is black
I wasn’t like this
Even a few years ago
I saw pain
And hid
I fell
and became ensnarled
I glanced at it
And I fell again
This time
Into a quagmire of sin
If I had only resisted
I wish I hadn’t given in
Oh! Forgive me,
Please
If that is not too much to ask
Even though I know it is
Please
I wish I hadn’t
I was the good sweet girl
The perfect girl
Falling into a world of despair
Forgive me
I don’t dare ask to be whole again
I’m too grotesque for that
But, please, if it is not too much to ask,
Even though I know it is
Please, oh! Please please forgive me!
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(there's one line in here, at the end of the second stanza that refers to The Fall of the House of Usher by Edgar Allan Poe- sorry if it doesn't make any sense- this is the first poem i ever wrote)
“Ludicrous”
despair
contempt
their words… slash my soul
their wrath… rumbles… trembles…. explodes
and i collapse…
how am i supposed to survive in this hell?
malignant
resentment swells
distended egos burst
bitterness – mutates to rancor …
i’m repulsed
their anger ruptures my heart
a fissure appears- the house slowly sinks
hope? a dream
execrations swarm my soul
i revolt you - you ridicule me
delirious… my spirit is mangled- dismembered
my resentment… fails
i love you
i forgive you