Hi, i'm new here and have just found this forum, I have used forums before but am pleased to have found this Veteran's section, even though I am only 22 it just feels better knowing there are older people here not just young teenagers...
Anyway i'm posting here today because I just feel really low at the moment, I cut for the first time in 2 weeks on saturday night and one of friends found out!! I have only ever told one person about my SI before and she has been pretty good but it took me a long time to talk to her and this just felt awful...we had been on a night out and I was a little drunk when we got home and just felt so terrible, I was feeling depressed when we were out as everyone seemed to be having a really good time and for some reason I just couldn't enjoy it at all and was annoyed that everyone else was having a great time...WHY CAN'T I JUST BE HAPPY!!! There was no real reason to be feeling like this apart from my own feeling of Insecurity and Paranoia, I wouldn't join in with dancing or anything that took me out of my comfort zone, they must think i'm so pathetic / miserable...
Anyway once we were home and I thought everyone was asleep I cut myself, not too badly but enough...anyway one of my friends must have came to get a glass of water or something but he saw me we had a bit of a chat then but the next morning didn't really get a chance to talk about it the next morning!! I just feel so ashamed, what must he think...
Anyway sorry for the long post I just felt like I needed to vent to someone...anyone...
I was always so scared of how my friends would react, what they would think of me, if they found out about my SH. Well, one day I decided to just be open.
And was surprised by how many people actually went through the same thing, or knew other people. They didn't judge me or anything, they just loved me and wanted to help. One of the best things was finding out how understanding and loving my friends are.
Welcome to vets. It's always surprising how much people around you can be involved with this stuff, and you'd never know unless accidents like that happen.
welcome to vets :)
I am glad that you posted. Sorry that you're feeling low at the moment, hugs.
i know how it feels when your friends find out about the cutting. I was terrified. Like the others have said though, it's remarkable how many people struggle themselves. A lot of people when given the chance and space to understand what you are going through, can be quite understanding and supportive. There are those who just dont understand but you have to remember that is not your fault. Cutting is often a coping mechanism, it shows your hurting inside and need some love and understanding.
hope you're ok
xxxxx
hammy
Hello and welcome! Now here's a lecture, lol. No not really, just wanted to share my experience with alcohol, depression, and the 'wonderful' world of cutting. I sometimes have a bad habit of drinking when I feel lousy. Unfortunatly alcohol is a depressant and counteracts the ANTIdepressants I take (and now you know how 'smart' I am ), making me feel worse than I did to begin with. All that to say just be careful when you drink...we think it will help but it often just makes it worse (also cutting while intoxicated can turn out pretty bad too).
There, sorry for the lecture :) sometimes I try to play 'mom'
Anyway I'm sorry to hear that your friend found out, it's rough when you just want to hide it from everyone.
Please take care, and again, welcome to vets! We're glad to have you
Alyssa
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Thank you so much for your responses, in retrospect yes, maybe this could be a good thing now i've had a chance to sit back and think things properly through, I have now seen this person again and our interaction has been fine, neither has had a chance to bring it up though as others were around but he's certainly not the type to go around telling people or anything like that...
Alyssa - yeah thanks for the 'lecture' lol, but no you are absolutely right about alcohol, it really never makes things better, only worse...no matter how much you think it will, hopefully my slip of cutting was more alcohol related than anything else though...still not good though I know!
), making me feel worse than I did to begin with. All that to say just be careful when you drink...we think it will help but it often just makes it worse (also cutting while intoxicated can turn out pretty bad too).
