Triggering (SI/OD) - Potenital trigger

[Nat]

I really dont know what to do where to go or anything. I have cried down the phone to my mum again who then wanted to talk to Stewart who was then annoyed at me because he feels my mum is getting at him and thinks it is all his fault - which I should point out she doesnt. Tonight I have cried so much it hurts, my eyes sting my heart aches and I feel generally run down. I think things are going to come to head with everything I am defensive, angry and taking it out on totally the wrong people.
Stewart has gone out and I have promised him I wont do anything so for now I wont I will just take some more valium. However he goes away on Wednesday overnight I am scared - I am already thinking about taking tablets about buying bandages and cutting until they are soaked with blood. I will probably do nothing as I am a chicken. I just dont want this life anymore and the reality is it will be my life forever. I think I dont know what I think I just want this all to stop. Please dont tell me to go to my GP or therapist I have been there done that and got the teeshirt. The Dr told me to 'get out more' the therapist told me to stay strong and brave and if I need to phone the emergency team (yeah right Im scared of phones!!!!) Stewart knows Im bad but he has to go its work related so I cant tell him I need to know what to do that is pratical and will keep me safe because I think something is going to happen if Im not careful. So so sorry

[blondiebear]

No need to be sorry.
In 18 years of marriage I've only slept away from my husband for two nights. (I figure the times I had a cold and exiled myself to the sofa don't count, he was just down the hall and the sound of his snores were reassuring.)

Come hang out with us.

[Nat]

Thankyou for the reply i will be about i know I will thanks for the reply it means so much

It can be hard, but I think you should take this time to completely and utterly spoil yourself. Buy some lovely food and make yourself some gorgeous meals, treat yourself to a movie, buy some lovely bath oils and beauty stuff and pamper yourself. Just go nuts on doing anything and everything you can think of to make yourself feel better.

I hate being alone too, but I try to, as much as possible, make it as nice a time for myself as possible.

And you ALWAYS have us nutters here to chat to :)

Take care darling.

Erin

[Merc]

^^^LOL at erin....yup..you always have us 'nutter's' to keep you cpmpany ;o).
Pls pm or email if you can hunni ok? I f you can and want to talk....im not much use atm but i can always listen.
pls be safe luv
will be thinking of you
*sends hugs*
romp

[Nat]

Thanks to you all dont really know what to say or do just thanks :)