I haven't hurt myself in over three months now. I know I should feel good about it and that it's an accomplishment, but I've hit the same brick wall that I always do at this point in the game. I am so afraid to just let this go. It's become an unfortunate part of me and the thought of it not being an option anymore is terrifying. I want to relapse. But I don't. But I do...
I'm finding it difficult to walk through this without talking to someone who understands it. I have one friend that I talk to about this and although he is incredibly helpful and supportive, I can feel his frustrations when I tell him I'm still tempted. I think that from the other side, "just don't do it" seems so logical and so much easier.
I hope it's ok to ask, but I could just reall use some support right now. Idk if I can fight this alone and I don't want to give in again. If anyone has any words or advice or really anything, I would seriously be so grateful at this point.
Thank you. <3
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
do you have other coping mechanisms? otherwise letting go can be really damn scary. finding support is really important and it sounds like your friend could offer you some. have you explained to him why it's difficult for you? maybe you could consider counselling/talk therapy which could help you get someone who understands your issue fully and give you advice on tackling it. but long term being able to talk to friends and family is brilliant! i don't use the chat on here but it could help you for "surfing the urge".
Well done on the three months - that is really good - even if you can't see it right now :)
It is important when you're giving up to have alternatives to self-harm so the gap quitting leaves is filled. There is a thread here which has some good ideas.
Chat on here is REALLY helpful to be able to talk to people who can understand the thoughts/feelings.
As I've said to you before, you're always welcome to PM me :)
Take care,
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
That's great that you have 3 months free. I think quitting can feel scary for everybody. One thing that helps me is rather than thinking "I'm not going to cut again forever," I think "I'm not going to cut today" or this hour, or minute, however much I can handle. Sometimes forever feels too long. Not sure if that makes any sense?
Last edited by kbeth : 24-01-2014 at 09:04 PM.
Reason: mis-type
We all have a degree of understanding here, but you've done amazing so far and your doing great! I don't have any advice, but anyone here will be happy to talk through anything that's worrying you (including me) you don't have to go through it alone.
Thank you guys so much for your support! It really means a lot to me!
Emmelberry my friend is so supportive and he knows that this has a hold on me, but I think it's really hard to understand it unless you've been there, you know? I do still talk to him about it though. And I have spoken with counselors before but I've never really found one that I was comfortable with. Maybe I should look into it again.
Katie, it is so good to hear from you again. How is everything going? I haven't been on here in awhile, I just sort of jumped back on when I started struggling again. I have never gotten the chat to work on my laptop. Usually when I'm on here though I'm on my phone. I might try it ok my laptop again and see if I can't get it to work. I'll PM you soon.
Kvetch I like what you said about thinking of it as one day and not never again. That might help me not be so freake out about it. And little hippo your support means a lot to me, thank you.
Since stopping self harm I've been having some pretty intense anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts. I know I would never act on them but they scare me. I've been fighting as much as I can but it's getting so hard and I can feel myself getting closer and closer to relapsing.
I just get so tired of fighting it. Does it ever get better?
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
I've been having really bad urges lately and I want to relapse but I haven't. I'm out of town at my friend's house for a Few days and I wish I would have given in before I left. I know it won't be an option for the next few days and idk if I can wait that long.
Also, my friend wants me to go to the gym with her which means short sleeves. She knows that I self harmed but not the extent and she has never seen my scars. I'm really nervous that she will notice and that it will make her uncomfortable.
Idk what to do. I don't feel comfortable doing anything here but idk how much longer I can wait. And I'm so nervous about her seeing my arms.
:/
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
People tend to notice way less than we think they will. If you're worried though maybe bring it up before going to the gym and letting her see. Then at least you wouldn't have any issues while in public.
I think it will be good for you to be at your friends a few days, especially as shes there ,even if you don't talk about it she is still supporting you.
Talking to her about it may be an idea, tell her your worries about they Gym but as Samijo said most people don't notice as much as we think they will.
Keep your head up your doing well, even if it doesn't feel it at the moment
We went to the gym and she didn't notice, thank God. I guess you guys were right about it not being as noticeable. I sort of brought up the topic because we were talking about tattoos and I said I wanted to get one on my arm to cover some scars. She really didn't respond much though. Sometimes I hold back from saying anything because I'm not really sure she wants to know the details, you know? I guess I never know if I'm supposed to bring up the topic or if I should wait for her to do it? Idk, what do you guys think and have you been in this situation before when trying to talk to someone about it that you're really close to? Did they take it well or want you to back down from the conversation? I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or talk to her about details that might make her uncomfortable.
Anyway I still haven't self harmed. It's getting very difficult but I'm still trying.
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Congratulations on not self harming. Are you finding any distractions that are working well?
I think it depends on the person. I had one person who wanted to talk about it as much as I would. Other people don't know how to handle the situation so they want to know less. My only suggestion would be to bring it up once and make a point of letting her know that you want to know how much she's willing to talk about it. Then take it from there.
Thank you. I've brought it up to her before and I told her everything. She seeme to take it well. But he hasn't really asked about it since so idk if I should even bring it up again? Idk if she feels like she knows how to handle it but I don't want her to feel pressured to talk to me either.
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Have you thought anymore about talking to a counselor again? Is there anyone else you would feel comfortable talking with? Does talking to people here ever seem to help?
I don't think I will go back to a Counselor yet. I don't really talk to but one person on pm here and the chat doesn't work on my computer for some reason. I try the threads but I don't ever want to become obnoxious by posting. And sometimes I'm not sure what to say besides "I want to self-harm," and I don't know what to ask for when I need support, if that makes sense.
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
It makes sense to me. Sometimes though for me anyway just being able to talk to someone about anything helps. I don't necessarily need or even want to talk about why I want to self harm, but talking to someone who cares even if it's about the weather makes me feel better. If posting helps you then I'm sure you can post more. People want to help. You can pm me if you want another person to talk with.
Thank you guys, I really appreciate your help. I guess I try not to post unless I'm really struggling but I feel like I'm in that spot in recovery where you just have the urges all the time. I'm working now which is helping some and trying to stay distracted even though I really really want to give in. I think the thought of being done with it is still haunting me, even though I'm trying to keep it day by day. I just want to go longer than a few months this time so I'm trying to push past it. Sorry for rambling, just trying to get some of it out somewhere.
Anyway, thanks for being there. -_-
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
