So close to relapsing
Today's been horrible. I'm tired and cant focus on studying or writing my essay (you know, the one i havent even started). Its cause for some reason i keep waking up hours before my alarm and cant get back to sleep. Idk why. Its been like that for at least half a week now. Its left me fighting with myself all day...i have to get this **** done or i'll be behind on the reading and i'll get an F on the paper...not that i cant afford one bad grade, i've aced everything else, i just know myself and i wont be able to take failing it on top of everything else. So i tried to make myself focus and get **** done, and i couldn't even read my textbook. Hell i couldnt even make outlines skimming the chapters, even with breaks to watch anime. I feel like i dont really have an option but to throw away the one and a half months free cause i honestly dont know what else to do at this point. I dont know anything else to do. I cant focus and i cant get **** done and i cant afford to be behind. Im not even getting financial aid cause i failed so much at my old college. I slacked off enough last week. I need this. I hate it but i dont know what else to do. Dinner's almost done...idk how i'll possibly fake being fine...****...oh well...i just wanted to vent, i guess...it hasn't been this bad in a long time.
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