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Old 13-10-2013, 04:55 AM   #1
littlemonster11
 
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It's been a while...

Hey everyone! Happy almost-Sunday!

So I've been okay for a while. I started college, a new job, graduated, moved in with my boyfriend, etc. However today I just feel really down for some reason. On my way to work this morning, a song came on the radio that I haven't heard in a really long time. It was that song that reminds you of an ex so you never listen to it. Well, I listened. And even though I managed to not feel completely shitty all day, I'm sort of slipping back into it. I focus all my negative energy onto my ex so that when I get depressed, it's him I get depressed about. Then the urge to call him starts, yada yada yada.

Cutting briefly crossed my mind earlier, but I was at work and didn't think about it again until about a half hour ago. Now I feel like I need to and I'm not even sure why. Part of me wants attention. Part of me wants to just release feelings I can't verbally explain. Part of me doesn't know what else to do.

My boyfriend is at work until 2am, so here I sit on Facebook and watching TV hoping I'll fall asleep or manage to keep myself distracted for another couple of hours. Thanks for listening and I hope everyone is doing well. As always, message me if need be... I really do like helping people.

Be safe!
Allison <3

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Old 13-10-2013, 12:51 PM   #2
infinitely
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I'm sorry you've been feeling so down. It's okay to need attention, so what you should do is call up a friend or someone else you can talk to. Just let someone know you're not doing well. You don't have to say why if you don't want to/don't feel like you can, but it might make you feel better if you have someone who knows you're feeling bad.

Have you tried distractions that give you sensation other than pain? I like finger painting. The cold gives me sensation, and I create something while taking care of myself. A very healthy way of coping, in my opinion.

I hope you'll feel better soon. Take care!




your heart is a muscle the size of your fist
keep on loving, keep on fighting
and hold on, and hold on, hold on for your life


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Old 15-10-2013, 03:20 AM   #3
littlemonster11
 
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Thank you for responding... I did get a little better for the day. I ended up falling asleep and today was a really good day but now I feel so disgusting. I just don't feel good enough for anyone. I feel fat and ugly and unloved. I know it's completely irrational but I can't help it...

I find myself wanting to return to self harm and I'm not sure why. I can manage to stay distracted for most of the time, but I know there will be that one trigger that sets me off.

My therapist makes me feel dumb every time I talk to her about it whether she knows it or not and I just feel like I'm a burden to everyone else. What do I do?



Success is not final.
Failure is not fatal.
It is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill


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Old 21-10-2013, 10:21 PM   #4
Nicholas
 
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A therapist who makes you feel dumb? Doesn't sound like a good therapist to me.

"However today I just feel really down for some reason. On my way to work this morning, a song came on the radio that I haven't heard in a really long time. It was that song that reminds you of an ex so you never listen to it. Well, I listened. And even though I managed to not feel completely shitty all day, I'm sort of slipping back into it. I focus all my negative energy onto my ex so that when I get depressed, it's him I get depressed about. Then the urge to call him starts, yada yada yada. "

Sounds like pretty understandable reasons why you feel down (not that they're all the reasons). Do you mean you feel more emotionally run down - like it's easier for you to slide into these negative emotions from the same kind of trigger, than usual?

A hug from me to you :).



This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

And in the spring I shed my skin
And it blows away with the changing wind
The waters turn from blue to red
As towards the sky I offer it



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Old 22-10-2013, 02:25 AM   #5
SoSimple
 
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Therapists are only there to help, so if yours is being unhelpful then you should definitely let her know. It's most likely not intentional but it could really help her as well to know that the way she is responding is making you feel worse. She can handle the truth, and it may help the both of you to discuss that.

I hope you're feeling better and staying safe! **Hugs**



Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.



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