tiny things triggering flashbacks and panic attacks
So basically I was sectioned for 3 months at the end of last year. For most of my hospital stay I was in a private unit (NHS funded as it was the only place they could find me a bed) then the last few weeks I was in a NHS ward.
On both wards I was called she a lot (I'm FtM) all the staff knew I'm trans and they used that as an excuse to get away with calling me she in front of other patients, when all the other patients knew me only as male.
In the private hospital I was restrained a lot and sedated, I'll admit I was very ill (very suicidal, very paranoid, hearing voices and occassional hallucinations, self harming a lot, getting angry very easily)
I escaped the unit 4 times during my stay and each time I was brought back kicking and screaming. One night I was restrained for over 2 hours.
All this has had an affect on my mental health. The tiniest thing will trigger a flashback, like today walking home from youth group I saw someone who looked like a patient who was on the ward with me and it triggered all the memories to come flooding back and I completely freaked out.
I missed my therapy last week because I saw someone who looked like a nurse on the ward, so I had to go back home and I hid under my duvet lying as silently as possible so no one could know I was there, I was there for a good few hours.
other little things like seeing a muslim man can trigger it, because there were 2 muslim men on the ward and both quite verbally abusive towards me. Also eating jacket potato with beans and cheese can trigger it because I had that meal a lot when I was in there.
Is it pathetic that these tiny things trigger such severe reactions?
Should I tell my therapist about them? I see him at 10 later this morning.
I'm scared he'll tell my GP I'm not coping and she won't sign the form saying I'm ready to go back to uni.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Those reactions are pretty normal for someone who's been traumatised when they were already very vulnerable.
I do think that it's important that you tell your therapist.
How do you feel about going back to uni?
I'm really scared about going back to uni, but know that it is what I want.
I'm going to try and tell my therapist today, I just struggle telling people things.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
I told my therapist about the flashbacks and the reasons for them. He has given me a sheet with some grounding techniques on. It went ok, I'm beginning to like my therapist, I didn't really get on with him to start of with. Thanks Colour *hugs*
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
I'm going to read through the sheet later and I will try to use them, but when I'm really anxious and having a flashback I tend to forget about them and not use them. I'm feeling okish since my appointment, but I'm pretty anxious as I have my DSA assessment at 1.30.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Maybe keep them somewhere that they're easy to see and find? Or find one you think will work best, and maybe write a prompt on your hand to look at when you're having a bad day. For example, i find "foursquare breathing" calming (breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4) so you could write "4444" on your hand maybe?
I hope your DSA assessment goes ok. i think, as long as you are honest, you will be fine.
I think the think with using grounding techniques is that you have to practice them when you're not having a flashback so that when you are in that flashback state they become much more readily available in your head.
It definately takes a lot of practice.
I'm really proud of you for being able to be so honest with your therapist :)
