I used to cut back when I was like 14, just to "fit in" because all my friends were doing it. That was 5 years ago.
Now I'm a sophomore in college, and I've been tempted to cut again. In fact, I've done it a couple times.
I'm 19. I should be past this.
As to why I actually cut, I'm not sure. I was feeling sad, sure, but other times I just felt like it. Also, I'm sort of ashamed to admit it, but I like the way the marks look on my arms. It's sick, isn't it?
How can I make myself see that I'm totally wrong in doing this? Why do I ... enjoy these marks? Am I crazy? I hate this. I know it's wrong - I've been told over and over as much. But the temptation's still there.
No matter what your reason for starting, cutting is an addiction and the more you do it, the more you want it and need it. Maybe when you were younger and doing it because others were, you started to rely on it and didn't realize it.
As to being 19 and past it, I don't think there is a time where anywone is really past it. It's always something you think about. I'm 23, and started when I was 19. I've often felt bad about being older, like I shouldn't have to resort to this. But I know that it's not really about age, just about how we deal with things. And temptation will always be there, its learning to deal with that temptation that is important.
You can't really "make yourself" see things as wrong. It just is what it is. And you're not crazy. If you really want to stop, try making a list of reasons for stopping, or reasons not to do it. Have you tried talking to anyone about it? Friends or family members?
"It is the stretched soul that makes music, and souls are stretched by the pull of opposite – opposite bents, tastes, yearnings, loyalties. Where there is no polarity – where energies flow smoothly in one direction – there will be much doing, but no music."
Hugs
Although si isnt a good thing, its not really really abnormal. So whilst you shoukd try to stop, dont stress too much about it and still wanting to do it at 19 and whatever, because itll just make you feel worse. You need to try and focus on the positive instead. I started at 13 and here i am at 17 still doing it, which when i think about it lkke that is really disheartening, so instead i think, well, ive learnt stuff and im getting there and i try to never never think about the numbers, because for me thats a good way to get a bit obsessive
Best wishes
He was no longer jean valjean but no. 24601 -les miserable
Some of life's mysteries will never be solved, such as why, after spending an entire evening listenong to Bach, do I find myself humming "the birdie song".......
I am reaching, but i fall, and the stars are black and cold, as i stare into the void of a world that cannot hold- les miserables
Hi there.
I can empathise with how you feel regarding SH and your age; I started when I was 12 and I'm still doing it now at 22. It sucks, but it is an addiction and it takes a lot to give it up sometimes, and right now I don't have that in me. Self-harm is less about being a certain age and 'being past it' - it's whether you have learnt to cope with the feelings which cause SH - if you have never learnt new copying mechanisms, you won't have something else to turn to and may well turn back to SH.
You're not alone, and you're certainly not crazy.
If you ever want to talk, please feel free to PM me.
x Katie x
I'm sorry there's not too many constructive things I have to say at the moment... just wanted to say I can relate. In that weird way, I like how the cuts and scars look. And sometimes it's really distressing/upsetting when they fade.
But on another note- just because you're 19 doesn't mean you have to just "get over" something like this<3 It's a habit... and those aren't always resolved so simply. Like It's Now Or Never said, you need to find better ways to cope to get rid of the habit.
Hope you're doing ok. Sorry if this was a kinda pointless post... just wanted to say you're not the only one :) *hugs* Take care
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
