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Perfection
Apparently I am a perfectionist. OCD, clean freak, perfectionist. At least that's what my therapist says. He says that it is part of the reason I am having so many issues. But I don't really see my self as a perfectionist. Yes, I want things to be a certain way, I have my routines, I get anxious when things aren't neat and clean. But I am not anywhere near as "perfectionistic" as some people I see. I just can't get things that clean, no matter how hard I try. I can't ever look as good as some of them. I can't ever get things quite "right" the way I want. Yes, it makes me antsy when I can't get it right, but I don't walk around counting tiles. I tapp my feet and fingers a lot. But, idk.... it just doesn't seem like that is me. I don't see the problem with wanting my house to be clean and neat, to have my cothes fit perfectly comfortable. To have everything I do go in order, to make sense of things. Doesn't everyone have their routines in life. So what if it makes me more comfortable to do things a certain way, in a certain order and not change. I don't like change, but why do things always have to change. idk. What's wrong with order? I can see why he thinks it could be getting in my way. But I really don't think that my "perfectionism" is really that bad. I still get daily tasks done. Slowly, but still done. I don't think it's bad to want to constantly improve yourself. If I was completely satisfied with who I am, or how I live, then I would have nothing to strive for, I would constantly fall short of everything I want to do. If I am going to make anything of myself, be someone worth knowing, someone worth liking, then I have to work hard for it. I don't see the problem. I will love myself when I work for it. To put it metaphorically, I will continue to mold the clay until the sculpture is finished the way I see it in my head, the way it should be.
Does anyone see what I mean? So maybe I am a perfectionist, what's wrong with it?
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