I have no patience left

Mousie · 20-10-2011, 03:40 AM

I am finally going to see the practitioner this Friday. Finally! I thought I was never going to make it in. After this last month, I really didn't think I would make it to today, let alone be able to get help. I really wish they would have just locked me up in the first place... I feel like I would have gotten help faster that way. But no, I refused to go IP and it took a month to get everything set up so that I can try to work things out. I really didn't think I would live to see this week. I guess I still have a few days to go, but I might just have enough energy to make it till then. This has been the longest wait, and I have no more time to waste. This whole ordeal is messing with every aspect of my life. My school work is really suffering, and I can't afford to fail nursing school at this point. I can't work, because I have nothing left in me to give. I can't function without prompting. and it's messing with my body. Nothing is working right anymore, I just feel so sick. Not only in my head, my whole body is just falling apart now. Hopefully when I go in to talk about meds, they can figure out a way to get everything else working again. I can't take feeling like htis anymore.
But even after the visit on Friday, I still have to make it through the weekend until I get to see my therapist. I really need him. I am losing it. I haven't been able to see him in 2 weeks. I just can't handle the things in my head, and he helps so much. I don't know how I would have made it to this day without him.
sorry I'm rambling, but I'm just so worried about what's going to happen. I want to get help, but I don't want to be labeled. I don't want them to make me into somehting I am not. I wan't to get help, but I don't want the meds to change who I am. and I don't know how to explain everything to the practitioner. How do I make them understand exactly what it is I am dealing with. idk.
ugh. I'm so anxious.

tifflehan · 21-10-2011, 07:12 AM

Hey, sorry you feel so bad. Have you thought of writing everything down so they can read it and you dont have to say anything? Maybe print this page off. It may be a good way to get the ball rollling.

Mousie · 22-10-2011, 11:09 PM

I went. I managed to get most of my worries out so that they could understand. I stil worry about what the meds will do to me. But, i guess it's a start to recovery. I told her I didn't want to be on them long term if I could help it. I want to have kids in the next couple years... so... I can't get pregnant while I'm on them, it would be horribly detrimental to me and the future baby. She said to give it a solid year to work and we wil see how it goes from there. I hate being medicated, but I also hate feeling like this. And there's no way to have kids when youre dead... so, better late than never I guess.
Thanks for the support.

GreenLover · 24-10-2011, 06:28 PM

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time! It sounds like we have a lot in common! I'm glad you made it to your appointment and started some meds/your start to recovery! Hang in there!

Mousie · 24-10-2011, 08:55 PM

Thanks. I hope you're doing better than I am. These meds are making me super tired and slightly nauseous. But it should pass after about a week. Once my body gets used to them maybe I won't feel so awful... in addition to what I was already feeling. Important thing is, I am surviving. So that's good I suppose.