Alone

Mousie · 07-10-2011, 12:56 AM

I know I am whining. I just wanted to let it out I suppose.
Nothing huge going on, just a lot of little things that are stressing me out ontop of just the overall weight of the depression/anxiety. I don't have anyone to talk to. MY hubby can't handle it anymore, and I really don't have any close friends right now. I am talking to my therapist, and it helps a little, but I just feel so alone outside of his office.

I am terrified of my hubby leaving me because of what I've done to myself, and what few friends I have, however distant, won't want anything ot do with me if they find out.
I am so irritated lately. Everything everyone does, just pisses me off. I don't want to be alone, Im scared of beeing alone, but I don't want to be around anyone, because they irritate me so much, and I don't want them to see me like this.
ugh. idk what I'm even talking about. I'm just gunna stop

PoisonedApple · 07-10-2011, 01:04 AM

*hugs* For what it's worth I totally understand. I have no solutions though...

Mousie · 08-10-2011, 12:21 AM

thanks for the hug. I know no one can fix my problems or find all my solutions. Its just comforting to know that I am not the only one that feels this way. MAkes me feel just a little bit less alone.
Thank you for listening. Hopefully I figure something out soon. I don't know how long I can hold out
*hugs*

dollpart · 10-10-2011, 05:27 PM

I really understand that irritable feeling. Weirdly, it changed once I changed my circumstances. And I am *not* suggesting for a minute that you ditch half your life and wander miles away and change everything... Just that maybe there are very small things you can do to make the irritation lessen. Although that didn't work great for me, I have heard it helps other people.

And I completely relate to hating being alone *and* hating being with people. Any friends you could talk to via MSN/ Skype? that's handy cause if you get sick of them you can just say your connection broke...

Mousie · 10-10-2011, 07:08 PM

I don't really use skype or msn.. the friends I do have I usually see too often to want to talk to them more when I'm alone. lol. But a good idea.. maybe I could try a few that I haven't talked to in a while.
I'm trying to make small changes, and I am talking thorugh it with my therapist... idk. It just doesn't seem to make it much better. I feel sort of helpless. I can't change much, though I would love to just break out and start over. I have to consider my husband, I have to finish this last year of nursing school, and I have to hold a job to pay to live. idk. I wish I could just pick up and restart. It would be nice. Sometimes I think that I should have let them put me in the local ward. It would have been a clean break from everyone for long enough for me to reboot. But I refused and now I have to keep going and pretend nothing happened. It's like all or nothing. Story of my life.
anyways
Sorry. I am starting to rant a little. Thanks for the support. Hope you all are havinng better luck than I am.