Thanks for the hugs, they mean a lot, especially when no one seems to have anything to say.
I'll probably delete this later if there's no replies. It's just too exposing this way.
I would say something, but I don't know what to say.
All I can do is give hugs.
What am I supposed to say?
I could tell you to force him to let them do the examination. Or to secretly drug him so they can do the examination. Both not legal though.
He's a grown up man, it's up to him.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
They can detect it via other methods. The first just happens to be the examination. My uncle had prostate cancer and got treatment and lived for around another 10 years I think.
Plus frequent urination is a sign of many things including just getting a bit older. Cancer is just one end of a very long spectrum of possiblities.
I feel sad and angry and worried and scared.
And, damn it, way beyond stressed. When will he get the results of the tests? The same week as I am likely to hear formally, finally, about my job.
It's reassuring that they can do tests in other ways. I know the internal exam is for enlarged prostrate rather than prostrate cancer as such - that there's a blood test for that.
Both my Dad and I have a history of fairly frequent urination anyway, though my Dad is now like I was when I had infections. But ladies and men are different, I know....
Hugs are welcome.
I feel so.. lost?
And there's a whole pile of complex feelings related to love for my Dad. Which make me want to cry.
I feel so isolated and alone.
I'm sorry it took a while for some replies to come in - I saw this and was going to reply earlier because my mum has cancer so I can relate to those feelings, but I'm not sure if this situation would make you feel worse (if you're not comfortable with the reply, let me know and I'll delete it).
As said above, there are many factors which could be underlying this, cancer is just one of those. And again as said above, it isn't the only method of detecting it - there are many symptoms they will be looking for, scans they do, blood tests, all sorts of things.
I can also relate very very much to those feelings of fear, worry, uncertainty and stress. The waiting for results and not knowing what's going on is one of the worst things, and I do hope so much that you get some good news.
It is very, very normal to feel lost and isolated at the moment. As I said, my mum was diagnosed with cancer last year, so I know the situation is different. But maybe you will relate to this too: Someone I know once said that it's like living in a bubble. You can be doing normal things and with people, but you feel lost and alone, you're distanced from a lot of things, your priorities feel completely different. Have you had a chance to speak to your dad about your concerns (or to somebody else you can trust)?
It is ok to cry, you have a lot of worries at the moment and that's understandable. It's common in a way to almost 'regress' with the feelings you have (maybe 'regress' is the wrong word, I'm not sure) - almost going back to some of those 'childhood' feelings of needing protection and comfort, of wanting somebody to just tell you it's all going to be ok, of not feeling 'ready' to deal with whatever comes.
I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, but I do relate so much to your worries and feelings of isolation at the moment. I hope the tests are ok, but whatever the results are, keep talking to somebody (therapist, work, on here, wherever helps).
On one level I too can relate to these feelings of sadness, worry, and fear of the unknown. Your Dad's symptoms are scary, and while there is nothing confirmed yet if your worst suspicions are confirmed (and he has prostate cancer), I wanted to reassure you that if they do detect something, medical doctors today are really proficient at treating it. Hopefully, they won't detect cancer and I'm keeping you & your family in my thoughts that they don't. But in the case of it, prostate cancer can be particularly well treated as the prostate can be removed. My Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year, had it removed, and has been healthy ever since. I know different people, ages, and scenarios are different but I did want to reassure you that in the worst case scenario there is still hope.
Your feelings are extremely valid, as difficult as they are. I'm sorry that you have to go through this and I do hope that perhaps when confronted with the tests, and medical staff, he may change his mind about the internal exam. (But if not, there's other testing methods as said above).
Sometimes, not knowing is worse than knowing, because with not knowing a lot of emotions are stirred up and we are unsure exactly what they mean, where they come from, but no matter what the outcome remember these emotions during the 'not knowing' time are valid. It's a scary and unsettling time that certainly can make you feel so alone and unsure.
If there's anything you can do to reduce the amount of alone feelings you have, and any activities you can do to comfort yourself through this time, I recommend them as you need to emotionally support yourself now as best you can.
Thank you so much for all your kind words. They make me feel tearful in a feel-my-feelings-healthy way.
I'll hopefully have more words later when I am more awake.
Flik Flak, the internal rectal examination is for enlarged prostrate. His GP was going to do it, but he refused. Prostrate cancer is usually detected by blood test, yes [I have Googled..] but apparently that isn't routine.
The tests on Saturday are to monitor the amount of urine he produces and how frequently and all that. From what he said, and what I've read.
I'll be back later.
I feel kind of shell shocked.
And I cried last night because I realise that I do love my Dad.
Well, you see, my Dad was abusive towards me and my Mum [and the rest of the world..] when I was growing up. So let's just say that for many years I harboured a lot of hatred in me. It's only really very recently that I've really started to feel more loving feelings towards my Dad - or have more contact with the part of me that feels those feelings.
I've been without therapy for a month, and don't start back until next Monday.
I feel VERY needy right now. It IS a kind of 'regression'. I have some compassion for it, but I also feel impatient of it and ashamed of it.
I've always felt I had to protect my Dad [due to his undiagnosed mental health problems] rather than have him protect me. I feel I'm grieving that, now, too.
It wouldn't worry me quite so much if my Dad hadn't looked so unwell, sunken, haunted, old, in his face recently. Both my parents have pushed that away, just saying it's his keep waking up to go to the toilet, or sinus. But.
I've spoken a bit with my flatmate. And I will alert my managers. Even if it has nothing to do with work, they may soften and allow me some time off. I just have too many worries right now. Valid worries.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Its a very scary thing to deal with. Last year my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and waiting for the tests, the diagnosis, and treatment was probably the most scary times of my life.
As you know now, there are other ways to diagnose cancer. When my dad was diagnosed he wasn't having unusually frequent urination. There can be so many other causes, and if it is cancer, the treatments have improved hugely over the last few years. My dad successfully has completed his radiation and the cancer is gone now. He just has hormone treatments now to make sure it doesn't return.
Anyway, I hope everything turns out alright. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. *hugs*
Im not in the shape to help but i understand your worries. i went through many similar feelings as you are. your dad is getting older and from experience (cancer or not), try to interact with him as much as you can while there is time. it will be much worse for you if you dont take the chance.
