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so i relapsed
so i relapsed, quite badly and my housemate saw. He already knew something about my issues but now has confronted me. Im in two minds, i cant decide whether to believe him or think he is exagerating the situation as he's not used to it.
ive gone through three different uni councillors in 6 weeks, all of them try to refer me to the nhs and state that i am suicidal. ive always refused as the nhs did nothing but make my brother worse when he was depressed, i have little faith in them. so needless to say i stopped going last week. my housemate is now wanting me to make an appointment and has offererd to go with me.
my main issue with this is that for the last five years the only person i rely on with SI is myself. he has offered to walk me to therapy to make sure i go, sit in with me and talk to the nhs with me. but i feel like letting him help means not relying on myself, letting this get real, letting it get out, it wont just be me anymore. and i dont know if i can handle that. am i making any sense? i just feel like involving someone else suddenly makes the situation a reality.
so should i lean on him? i dnt want to be a burden and hate to think he is only doing this because of some moral obligation. i dont know what to do. on the one hand i want to keep it to myself, but after 5 years i obviously cant do this alone but involving just feels scary.
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