Not seeing professionals/ co-operating

[insidemyhead]

ok, well i've not turned up to an appointment and im not answering the phonecalls. Now im in a phase of not wanting help but need it. I really dont get on well with my professionals and they're not helpful in any way and im not exagerrating they are really aweful. I just dont want to see them dont want to talk to them and have a sort of whatever happens happens attitude (in terms of what happens with me like what i do etc not what they do) i dont think they knew me or cared enough really to actually notice this sort of attitude occurring. I've been in services for jst over two years and im not this sort of person i rarely never turned up for appointments only if im physically ill. So this is different... and i cant bring myself to answer the phone or what not i just dont want to at all but i also know im rather unwell right now.. i think it may be of some not caring attitde... i really dont know why im doing this... i never talked to them or they talk to me anyway so its not like it will make any change. They werent monitoring me and not caring. I wonder if this is part of the reason why im doing this. I really go out of my way to have no contact. I have a tendency of not taking meds but thats the only co-operation problem i've ever had. And not making an effort to control myself at times. Thats it though.

Just sort of wanted to see if anyone else is like this...

[Pomegranate]

What you mean going to appointments but not bothering in almost any other way?

You obviously are concerned, at least in some way or else you would not be posting about what was going on. I understand and accept you are feeling awful but what would you like them to do? And what are you willing to do to change that or work with them? They can't and won't fix it all for you.

[roiben]

What do you want to achieve by not attending appointments, or not answering your phone. It sounds as though you want them to prove they are paying attention by somehow reacting to your lack of contact.

Do you want them to knock on your door to check you are okay, as proof that they are doing their job, or caring?

I can't help but read this as a challenge to them.

Are there no other people you could ask to see instead, if you feel you do not get on with the current ones?

Roiben x

[insidemyhead]

Nooo im not challenging them, they're aweful and im just close to giving up and i just dont want to talk or see them because all i get from them is feeling angry or alone after each appointment. I just dont want to see them... i feel like as they're not helping whats the point anyway. I think my avoiding them is because i dont want to confront them about not wanting to see them as they always respond horribly to pretty much anything.

I dont want to see them anymore is what im saying/ meant. I know they wont knock on my door to see if im ok so why would i expect them to do that?

I think im crippled by what i think they think of me they dont know me from what they've shown and probably have strict judgements of me and id be willing to co-operate with someone from a fresh start who only knows shere basics nothing else, someone whod listen and not already have judgements of what i am and need in there head and here when i have concerns. I need a blank page really, a start over. I havent been listened too in such a long time and im getting into a mess because im so worried of what people knwo and what they make of things.

My reasons for not answering the phone or going to appointments is shere dread when knowing whats coming and i panic as i dont want to see them because i'll wind up feeling sh*tter and i take off/ dont answer the phone its not challenging them.

Im taking my medication currently its good as smarties but taking them to co-operate i only went through phases of not taking them and i did care in other ways than just turning up to appointments. I've just had crtap care for so long plagued by judgement and i want someone to take what i say as the truth it is rather than not.

Im willing to co-operate with honesty and being heard

Im rambling now.. i cant remember wht else i needeed to say.

[whirlpools]

How do you think they could show you they were listening to you?

[insidemyhead]

well they do this weird smile and then laugh and change the topic... id want someone to not do that?? I've been told that were not talking about that.. and even when i've told them im risky and think i need reviewing with meds or whatnot they get angry and wont let me see the doctor. They tried telling me to get rid of the crisis team number. They see me for as little as possible and never ask me anything or give me a chance to say anything for example "how are you?" "umm" "good now have you looked at joining the running club" (its in the evening i have many enemies in the are and im scared to leave my house and i dont want to go running the same route each week because i can be tracked down easily, they got angry when i tried telling them saying i was just being stupid, its not.. its actually true i have predators in the area. They then proceeded to leave)

I dont want people getting angry, changing the subject and taking everything i say as stupid or a lie. I want someone to try and work with me, listen, show some genuine interest and care. I also need someone to care enough to minitor my state of mind. I last saw them in a bad state, i was stuck in a bad dimension and i paniced when i saw her in it.. i got upset because i couldnt tell which was a grounded dimension that i belong and she said well if you're going to be stupid like that then im gone, i'll ring you... hence began the problems with turning up or answering the phone.. i think cpnesturday but i didnt pick up no message left and i didnt turn up to an appointment with my support worker on monday. I just dont want to see them. I need someone to hear me and attempt to listen, 'okay why are you so upset/worried? what can we do about it?' isnt that there job? to monitor people and work throggh problems.

Id even settle for 'umhmm ok yeah' in the right places, they may be daydreaming bt at least im talking and they're listening in appearence.

Im rambling again..

[whirlpools]

Have you thought any more about ringing and asking for a change of care co-ordinator? It may help to write all this in a letter and giving it to the manager of your CMHT so she can find someone who would be more suited to your needs. Are you still seeing the psychologist?

[insidemyhead]

I dont know if i can change professionals so early on.. i've only been with them two months and for the first month they didnt see me. I have to go see my gp i'll ask him about. No the psychologist was just an assessment appointment, im on the waiting list which is about six months. The cpn hasnt rung at all anyway so she will probably ring me up randomly or turn up which i hate i like advanced warning and they know this ><. Im scared they'll be angry at me if i change and it all get messed up

[Pomegranate]

You have every right to change workers, even if it has only been two months. Look up the number for your local CMHT and ring and ask to speak to the boss about changing your care co-ordinator. Not speaking to them or refusing contact is not going to get you anywhere. I understand you are upset and don't feel they are listening and those are perfectly reasonable reasons for requesting someone else.

Out of interest.....when you feel they have dismissed what you are saying, have you ever responded or defended your position or do you end up saying 'ok'? I don't agree with the way they are reacting, based on what you are saying but try and remember that they don't know you and sometimes compromising with them is a good start. For example, you can't go to that running group because of people in your area....what about looking into different groups or going by yourself earlier in the day or going to a class at the gym? It does not all have to be black and white.