Mildly Triggering (ED) - I don't even know.

[muzzii]

I don't know what I want, I don't know I don't know. I want to be better for him, I love him I don't want him to get fed up with having a girlfriend that's such an emotional wreck. He deserves so much better than me, he is so amazing. I can't eat but I don't want to let him down. I don't know. I can't do this. I can't stop crying.

[Shenanigans]

I'm sorry you're feeling so upset right now, do you have any support at all?
It's good to want to get better, but can you get better FOR YOU? You deserve to feel happy and secure in yourself without this.
Can you explain a bit more on what's going on? How things are at the moment?
xxxx

[muzzii]

Thanks for the reply.
I have a counselor, I'm seeing here later on today but I've already kinda brought this up and I don't want to keep repeating myself.
I know you said I should get better for me but I don't really know how to do anything 'for me' everything I do is always for someone else, I don't feel I deserve to do nice things for me.
My boyfriend is also my best friend we've know each other forever. We started dating about 4/5 moths a go and near the beginning of that i stared to try and recover, now I'm relapsing. I told him this at the weekend, he said he wasn't angry just confused as to why I would want to do this to myself, but I just feel like I've let him down. He's so wonderful he deserves so much better than me.
I just want to crawl into a hole and die.

[losing2me]

*hug*

I don't have much to offer but I am wondering why you feel you deserve to be treated like this? By yourself...

Keep fighting. It gets better. xx

[muzzii]

Thanks.
I don't know, I've just never felt I deserve anything 'good' I'm not thin I'm not pretty, I'm not smart, I'm not really good at anything. I hate myself for hating myself. But I have no idea how I'm supposed to change that.
xx