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Triggering (SI) - Addicted
Why must I be so addicted :(
It's been three months now since the last cut. It's actually been better than I thought, but I go through phases where it's all I think about...these phases are getting longer :\
I keep thinking about 2 things in particular. TRIGGER I have this memory of me sitting looking at my thighs, which were all nice and thin at the time, and they have shallow cuts all over and I just feel this great sense of satisfaction. They looked nice. And also, about this dream my friend told me she had that stopped her self harming. She was sitting reading in the dream, and someone came up from behind her and took her wrist in his hand and with a pair of scissorscut into her wrist, and cut the veins inside her wrist in half.She said that stopped her from cutting again, but I can't stop thinking about it and it's pretty much doing the opposite.
I had this craft knife in my pencil case that I took from school to use for my graphics technology products that I needed to finish at home, and having it there made me feel better. I never used it on myself, I just...liked having it. But I put it back in the store cupboard because I was worried I would use it. Now I feel kind of weaker. Having it there and knowing I didn't plan to use it made me feel stronger...is that weird?
Sorry, this was long and pointless. I don't even have anything to cut OVER. I just miss it.
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