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Triggering (SI/OD) - Promises Made In Vain.. *May also trigger Suicide*
We all know the promises we make, with initial good intentions..
Promising not to Cut.. not to Burn.. Not to OD.. to keep ourselves together..
The darker promises, the more foreboding ones.. the ones that make us feel trapped in a cage we created..
The promise to stay alive.
Possibly the hardest promise to make. We feel that if we accept the promise and it's guidelines that we have no fall back if things get too rough. Or if we lose touch with ourselves..
Even with the less powerful promises, occasionally they just can't be kept, we might lose control.. or not think.. it takes one slip up to shatter the link of trust that person feels they have with you..
So once it's broken, we get nervous and paranoid.. we feel that we've let them and ourselves down..
What will their reaction be?
Will they be mad?
Will they hate me?
Will they leave me.. ?
The problem then comes that even if it's a very understanding person and they assure us that it is okay and they're not angry.. what use was the promise they so desperately made us keep?
Was it all in vain?
Were they testing us?
Why aren't they upset?
Why are they still here.. ?
Thing is.. most of us care more for our loved ones than we do for ourselves.. we don't care what happens to us most of the time as long as they are okay.. we'd even go as far as to take our own life in exchange for our theirs..
My question here being, what can I do? If I accept the promise, that I know I'm likely to break or I know will affect me more negatively than positively then that's wrong.. But if I don't promise, then I will have let them down before I have even begun.. how would they even be able to trust me?..
Ultimately it feels like a Lose/Lose situation.. any help?
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