when you feel unsafe out in public, what do you need?
The thread in N & D is stirring me up.
We may 'look crazy' but that doesn't mean we're drunk or high or dangerous....
So, this got me thinking. What can we do that's pro-active, even in some small way, to help people see a wider picture?
Just for a start, we can share here, from our perspective, what we most need from those around us when we feel unsafe in public.
Many of us are all too familiar with the ridicule and disdain of passing random strangers. Where are all the compassionate people in the world?!
Maybe some of us have had experiences of people being sensitive and helpful when we've felt very unwell in public. Share that here too.
I'll add my personal thoughts later, when I've more time.
ive never had any kind of breakdown in public but i do suddenly feel very alone and disassociate alot,
in these cases, i would soo love someone, just anyone to give me a hug and even just say hello, but no they wonder off and i feel like im stuck in my bubble alone :(
When I'm distressed in public what I most want people to do is leave me alone, I don't want asking if I'm ok, I don't want sympathetic glances, I don't want to feel like everyone's staring at me. I'd much rather people pretended they didn't notice at all.
I dont think I've ever really been distressed in public, apart from one huge panic attack in the waiting room of the doctors surgery but my mum was with me helping me to calm down.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
That makes sense ferret.
I guess I just feel the opposite, I feel incredibly exposed and out of place and I feel like any acknowledgement of my distress would make that worse and draw more attention to myself.
I've never been what I would call "mentally unwell" in public, but I was quite physically unwell, with symptoms that could well have been mistaken for MH ones. Essentially I was having a hypo, which made me incoherent, confused and unable to walk, I kept falling over.
First of all, a girl came over and asked if I was okay, helping me up off the ground and sitting me down. I was, of course, hugely embarassed and told her I was fine, and that she should leave. A few minutes later, I clearly wasn't fine, and a couple pulled over in their car and picked me up. Like, really nicely. They took me to tesco and bought me a sugary drink before driving me home and checking that I was okay. They even offered to take me to the doctors, which was the other side of town. They were lovely, and I think it was a really nice thing they did. They just stopped and were really calm, and sensitive and didn't make me feel embarassed.
If I were to have some sort of MH episode, I'd probably want to be left alone, but at the same time I know that that wouldn't end well. I don't know what I'd need, it's a difficult area and it really depends on what sort of thing I was going through at the time.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
Since I am at either school or church most of the time, there are usually always people I somewhat trust around. People I wouldn't mind coming up and asking me what's wrong, or if I'm okay. Sitting with me, listening to me, talking to me, giving me a hug...I just want someone to let me know they care and that I'm safe.
If I'm out in public by myself, I think I'd rather people leave me alone unless they're really kind and understanding about it.
Last edited by ShyGirlEiana : 12-12-2009 at 06:49 PM.
Reason: changed something
To The Light My blog on "Mercy Ministries, mental illness, self-injury & other important topics."
a few months ago i had a bad panic attack in a hospital waiting room, there were only a few people there but most of them were staring at me and some kids started laughing and so did some of their parents, which made me even worse, but then this lady saw i wasnt well and came and asked if i was ok, i didnt really answer but sort of half shook my head, she went and got a nurse who took me into a quiet room to get away from the people.
other times i have had panic attacks in public, most people tend to ignore me, which i prefer, unless i was having a bad one then i think i would like someone just to tell me i was safe or something.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
I have had several bad panick attacks in public and one time a lady came and sat with me while the ambulance came and was even going to get in it with me to go to hospital but she called my mum and my mum turned up before the ambulance got there.
Another time i was doen the high street and the police came up to me and took me into a shop were everyone was very kind and called an ambulance but before they turned up people were walking past offering me inhalers and trying to help but i kept saying "no im fine its just a panick attack" people on the street treat me better then my own family with my family shouting at me to "just breath" while the public rub my back and reasure me, so i feel safer being in public having a panick attack then at home oddly!
A bad occassion was where people started crossing the road stareing even though i was crouching down on the floor hypoventalating and the same happened when i was in tears hypoventalting but that only happened about twice out of at least 10 times! so generally people have been very nice!
far far too many bad experiances, both with being attacked and with being ridiculed and "tutted" at for struggling... I once had a flashback, ended up against a shop wall curled up crying... then a group of lads (about 13-14 years old I think) gathered round me laughing and throwing stuff at me...
I then dissososiated and can't remember what happened... but aparented I attacked them so I'm guessing Michelle came out...
another time I was on a bus, and I sat near the front as I'm scared of going futher back and an old guy got on and demanded that he needed that seat... I tried to explain that I couldn't go futher back, so he grabbed me piced me up and moved me, triggering a flashback resulting in me running to the bus don and hitting it over ad over until the bus driver finally opened it (after yelling at me over and over to sit down)
I've been chucked off trains for having panic attacks...
Noone will come near me in the lectures anymore. Though to be hnest I do not mind tat one so much as I get scared about strnagers sitting next to me anyway
I could go on... but I'llonly bore you all :P
sometmes I feel like getting a T-shirt with "I have PTSD and DID, it's not my fault" written on it lol
a while back my oyfriend and I walked to the shops, and then he had to go somewhere so we agreed to meet back at hoe (the shops are but a 10min walk from our flat so thought it would be ok)
I did the shopping, came out and then... "lost time", next thing I knew I was stood on a street that I did not recognise with no idea hw much time had passed or where I was... This was back when internal communication was almost none existant, so I had no idea who had walked there, why or which way was home... after about half an hour of walking about aimlesly I broke down in tears and sat on the curb... tonns of people walked past, but then a taxi stopped the driver got out and asked if I was ok. I explained that I was lost, so he asked what street I lived on and told me to get in the taxi... I explained that I had no money on me and he said that was fine, he just wanted to make sure I got home. So he drove me to the end of my street and didn't charge me.
Another time was in an exam... I started having auditory flashbacks, and then I got convised that I could see my abuser at the end of the exam hal, I started panicng and crying... one of the lecturers took me out of the hall got me some water and let me leave. They reschedualed the exam for me to take on my own a week later
I probably bring on the bad experiences myself, I can sort of see that.
I always get "what's wrong with you?" and laughter and stares, like when I ask people to move back when they're too close in queues, mainly.
What I need is "what can we do to help,?" in a kind voice - and then an accepting response when I ask if they can give me some space, then I'll be ok. I don't need people to just stare and not move, and laugh and do the whole "let's stare at the crazy person" thing.
This all hurts so much.
I wish I could get out of the whole cycle.
I do for a time, and then it all gets bad again.
I want to be 'normal' and feel ok about being out in public.
I wish I wasn't constantly in flashback type state of defence against possible attack.
I wish there were people out there willing to help and who have enough kindness and openess and non judgement in their hearts to not feel threatened when I feel threatened by the close proximity of strangers. I need someone to say "It's ok, you're safe now, noone's going to hurt you now."
I'm quite fortunate, my tutors all know I have panic attacks so they don't draw attention to the fact that i'm leaving the room, nor do they make a commotion if I don't come back. They also know to send out a search party if I haven't returned after quarter of an hour (i think they just tell whoever they pull aside to ask to come look for me that i'm unwell) but anyway I seem to have at least one friend in my seminars that knows i suffer from panic attacks and they do kindof know how to deal with me which is most of the time, i just need someone to distract me from what is happening, even if that means talking crap at me for 10-15 mins.
A few weeks ago I had a massive panic attack 10 mins into a seminar, my mate came out after about 20 mins, took a look at me, went and got the tutor who came out then told my friend to take me home (I was panicking that much)
I think it helps to have at least one person there when you are panicking.
I find the best thing is to leave a situation or avoid a situation that panics you.
I don't need people to just stare and not move, and laugh and do the whole "let's stare at the crazy person" thing.
This all hurts so much.
I wish I could get out of the whole cycle.
I do for a time, and then it all gets bad again.
I want to be 'normal' and feel ok about being out in public.
I wish I wasn't constantly in flashback type state of defence against possible attack.
I can realy relat to that... but we are normal, we've just had some abnormal things hapen to us and we've reacted the same way any person would. It's just people without these pasts have no conset of ho it effects people
Most times, it's best to leave me alone.
Someone close to me, or touching me...wasn't a good thing.
I would go from panic to aggressive, feeling threatened by them being too close.
So, for that awful period, I only went out with H or daughter. H could calm me down, if needed and being with my daughter, i could hold it together for awhile, because was worried about scaring her.
I find now, IF I go out alone, I am on alert, near-aggressive.
Probably not good...but at least it gets me out.
But, yes, the stares and whispers were horrible...but I got angry, instead of hurt...which rather scared(s) me, if I'm honest.
Oh god I hate people tanding too close liek that in queues...
but I'm too scared to say anything as feel like it's just be being pathetic/stupid... the few imes I have spoken up it has always been turned round to m being the bad one...
once a woman actually got fairly nasty about it which resulted in me getting unset so she pushed me out of the queue before saying "better now?"
I ran out of the shop in tears
so I'm guessing Michelle came out... 
