Something has been happening to me lately that is starting to become a bit of a worry. I'm not sure what to do.
I've always, ever since I can remember, been prone to brief periods of feeling low or down. My mum has always said that I'm a 'moody' person, that one minute I'm high as a kite and the next I'm down in the dumps.
I always put all of this largely down to my age, hormones, plus the normal difficulties that come with being a teenager.
At sixteen I went through a more extended period of what I described as 'lowness', when I would feel lonely, forgotten and generally blue. During this time I briefly self-harmed (I'll refer to it as 'SH'), but only for a couple of months before stopping.
I seemed to recover from this and again I put it down to a teenage phase, hormones etc.
Last year at uni, I went through an awful time. From September '08 through to early March this year I became very depressed due to my living situation and a number of other factors.
During this time I begun to SH again, this time more frequently and severely than before. I still have a problem with SH now.
Over the last couple of months I've noticed mood swings beginning to cause problems for me.
At first I thought perhaps it was hormones (time of the month etc), but after monitoring it more closely there seems to be no such pattern.
My moods can suddenly change, crash or flip, even if nothing has happened. Often the emotional responses I have to things are entirely disproportionate to anything that has happened.
Little things, or things that I would expect to be able to handle, will throw me into a fit of panic, depression and feeling triggered. These feelings might last for anything from three minutes up to three days.
I have never been to anyone about anything like this, aside from five sessions with the university counsellor.
In our second-from-last session, she mentioned therapies and the possibility of referring me...I never went again because it scared me.
She seemed concerned that I also had feelings of unreality, disconnection, intense lonliness and very low self-esteem. She knew nothing of my SH, but all the same she described my problems as "beyond her remit".
I just wondered what anyone made of all this, really. What should I do? What could it be? Does anyone else have similar? I feel so alone sometimes.
I like my GP, and I'm happy to go to him with a throat infection or temperature...but beyond that...he doesn't really listen. He's a lovely man but I struggle to articulate my feelings as it is, without him jumping in and interrupting all the time.
In terms of therapy etc. If it would help me, I'd go, but I'm worried about two things really: one is money. Isn't therapy expensive?
Also, my future career. I want to work with people with mental health problems...could being in therapy ruin my chances?
it say's that you are in the UK, therefore youcan get therapy on the NHS, cots nothing... they will eeven reimburse your trave if you have to go a long way
maybe you culd print out your post and give it to your GP? maybe they'd be morelikely to take it in if they read it, and it would also probably be easier for you than talking about it
I'd like to echo the above advice and generally give you some hugs *hugs*
I've written letters to my GPs when I've felt they haven't listened to the whole problem/i can't explain the whole problem. It's made things a lot simpler and get everything that needs to be said, said. Plus they can't intterupt you in a letter =)
I hope you get things sorted
Xxxx
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
Hmm thanks for all the replies, all very helpful - especially the hugs =P
You really think this is worth taking to my GP?
I suppose writing it all out would be helpful...I could write it all out and take it to him, couldn't I?
I'll have to go back for a follow up appointment (for something completely unrelated) in a few weeks anyway so I could bring it up then...
'Therapy' for me conjures images of uncomfortably quiet offices and some clinical , doctor-like person making me talk about things that upset me and making notes. I know that it's not how it works, but I can't help but think its like that.
I'm scared of being "in therapy".
Thanks for all your advice. Its really great to get practical advice from people =]
I really want to do this - I want to help myself before things get worse - so please don't think I'm putting obstacles in the way - but I do have another concern about approaching a professional.
Very few people know I have difficulties of this nature and even fewer know about my SI.
My boyfriend (partner in crime =P) knows everything, and is a tremendous support, but I don't want to be relying on him all the time. Its not fair.
My concern is about my parents.
They know nothing about any of it.
My mum understands (now) that I was very, very low last year but that's it.
I have tried before to articulate how Im feeling when I experience a mood swing or either of them notice a change in my mood, but they tend to just get annoyed and angry with me.
Im pretty sure if I told either of them about the SI they would seriously over-react.
Thing is, if Im going to do this...I sort of want my parents on board.
I'm tired of hiding it all from them. I'm tired of always having to keep it in mind - keep everything covered, wristbands, long sleeves, plastered on smiles...it's wearing me out.
Im just so frightened of telling them.
Hmm yeah.
Up until now I've not seen the point in telling my parents. I was dealing with things in my own way and didn't want to stop.
Now I'm finding things more difficult and considering trying to stop, it seems important for my parents to know what's going on.
