nooooooooooo erin that's not all there is.
there are the good times in between.
and as time goes on the good times will last longer until one day you suddently realise that there hasn't been a crash and burn for a while...and the good times have now overtaken and the bad times are manageable.
*hug*
hope you're okay.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
And like a punch in the stomach everything catches up to me and I would no longer call myself 'safe'.
And one word tumbles it's way through my mind, over and over, a persistent whisper, teasing and tempting me. Gently and divinely coaxing me, offering me the peace I desire.
THAT word is an evil little thing that maginfies itself and glorifies itself on its prey. I am sorry that it is playing in your head. The crash and burn it devastating enough. I know I am a nobody to you, but I have also read so much (way back when you were posting more)and know that you are genuinely loved and adored by many of these unseen faces of RYL. I feel for you and hope things will dance their way right out of that beautiful mind of yours.
Are you speaking to anyone (besides this voice)? If there was anything i could say , I would. I know the word well...I hope you can find something to take its place.
Drown it out. YELL SCREAM IT OUT. Do what you have to do, just dont let this word take control. I know it is more than a word. It hurts. IT hurts like HELL.
I have to go to my next work in a few minutes. I will be thinking of you. Please try to stay safe. I am concerned.
Last edited by Rain Keeper : 21-08-2009 at 05:44 AM.
SING it out.
stand up somewhere by yourself and SING at the top of your voice. sing your favourite song at the top of your voice to drown out that word. remember the things that you like in this world. favourite song, chocolate bar, whatever.
clench your fists and fight against that word. refuse to be beaten. you can't give in.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
Erinerinerin. Gosh I was thinking of you just yesterday, I'm sorry I missed this when it was originally posted. Do you know what's triggering all of this at the moment? Do you have any professional supports you could talk to about how you are feeling? I'm proud of you for keeping yourself safe/alive thus far, I think that shows your strength and please, keep fighting - because no, this is not all there is. You're such a lovely person & I'd hate to lose you to this, I really would. Keep talking xx
I speak for myself but also for a lot of people i know:
it would make a difference to all of us here on ryl. even though most of us don't know you in "real life" we still know you on here and we would miss you if you were gone. we would be upset, devastated, angry even. its not fair when people die because we feel responsible even if we weren't responsible.
please keep fighting. i am sure that there are more people who love you than you realise. nobody wants to see you suffeing so much.
hope you're feeling a bit better today. :)
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
What a fool I have been. Allowing myself that tiny bit of hope. No more. I don't think I'll come back here. Thank you to the decent people. The caring and lovely people. You make the world a better place. It's just the same about the other lot. Maybe one day those people will grow up, but I doubt it.
Me, my depression and that cruel little voice are going to have a party. I've neglected them too long. It's time to catch up. They're the best friends I have, in a sense. They never leave me. They're honest and reliable. Honest that they want me to hurt and reliable cause they're always there.
erin i have mixed feelings about you saying you want to leave (i hope you just mean RYL btw). I think if this place hinders you more than it helps then you should leave because thats not what this place is about. However i worry that if you left you would have no support network at all and that wouldnt be healthy either.
i'm not going to preach about suicide because i'd be a hypocrite but you said it would only affect you. That is wrong, it would affect your friends and family and many people on RYL.
I think about you often but never know whether or not to say hello. I'm only a text or call away if you need anything though.
xxx
Depression is not your friend it does not tell you the truth it merley twists things, makes you think you are alone when really you are not. Im proud of you for reaching out but erin ther are people out there who care a great deal for you even if it dosnt seem it right now. You have come so far and you can beat this again. Keep fighting lovley.
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
I'm doing horrifically poorly.
I think about killing myself every day. Not something I think about lightly.
I need help.
Please someone, read between the lines. Stop me from bringing that misery to others.
And I hate admitting that.
So alone it's killing me.
C'est la vie.
