Adult - She's pregnant - I'm the father. (Updated in final post)
Hello all,
I'm not new - this is just a new account as I don't want to post this under my usual name.
Anywho, cutting to the chase.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Really quite adult in content
A few weeks ago I was invited to a house party by a former friend from college. I met one of her friends and she seemed quite taken with me. We both had a fair amount to drink and the long and short of it is - we had sex. I carry round a condom just as a force of habit and initially it was used. However, there were several interuptions and at one point (I think - my memory is a little hazy) she removed the condom to give me a blowjob but being the foolish, irresponsible person that I am (plus at the time drunk and not having a spare) I continued to have sex without protetion. I did not ejaculate at any point but I'm aware this does not reduce the chances of pregnancy to zero so just **** luck, I guess.
But then about a week ago she called to say that she had missed her period. She eventually went to a clinic to take a pregnancy test and she came up as pregnant on one test but not another so she's going back soon for another. However, while waiting for that, she took two over the counter tests and they were both positive so I think the chances are that she really is pregnant (or just ****ing with me but that would take a particularly manipulative and rather sick person to lie about that)
Therefore, assuming she is, what do I do? I'm 20, hoping to continue on further education (long story but I'm hoping to be starting a course in october) and as such have no job and no money. I owe my parents over 4 grand and can't ask them for any more. Put simply I have no money to help support a baby and she works part time at McDonalds so is hardly loaded either. Emotionally, I can barely take responsibility for and look after myself - let alone an infant. I suggested that as far as I'm concerned either termination or adoption are the best options (at the same time aware that this could be my only chance of bring a child into this world and I may regret this for the rest of my life).
However, ultimately, whatever happens will be her decision if she decides to keep it, I don't know what I should do. I could take the coward's option thing and just run like hell and move on with my life as if it never happened. Or I could give up my plans for my career and education, move away from my only friends - back home with my parents; attempt to find work and have a go at bringing up a child on a combnation of benefits and minimum wage. The trouble is, besides calling every now and then, getting the train back to see them and giving what money I have many years down the line if I ever get a decent job, I can't see much scope for compromise between cutting both out of my life and giving up everything to be with them.
Is there a chance the child wouldn't be yours? If you didn't ejaculate then yes, you still could have gotten her pregnant due to, well you know why, but if she had been sexually active with other men around the same time then it seems more likely that one of them could be the father. Can you ask her?
I would also agree that you need to see if there is a chance that the baby isn't yours but really the key is communication and things. You need to discuss the options with her and see how she feels. It may be she's scared and doesn't want to keep the baby anyway, it could be that she wants to keep the baby and would like some support from you but understands this may not be through financial contributions at the moment and any support, even if it's just an offer of looking after the child every once in a while or getting things for her/ offering your support may be all she's expecting.
I really wouldn't advise running away though I think it is worth you seeing if there is any way that you may not be the father seen as by the sounds of it you're not really in a relationship. Running away means that you will spend the rest of your time wondering what happened/ if you have a child or not and it will also mean she has to cope alone as it is not something that she can get away from quite as easily.
It really is a pretty personal thing and what happens depends on the two of you and I would think meeting up and talking through things sensibly may be the best option and the only way for you to both get across how you feel about the situation as at the moment I get the impression that you know very little about her side of things and how she feels about it all
I would really see whether the baby could possibly be someone else's. You should definitely have a paternity test to see. While I suppose it is possible you could have gotten her pregnant through what you have said, it's highly unlikely. Not impossible, but the odds are fairly against it. Like said, it's up to you what you decide to do, but I don't think it's an all or nothing thing. She may not expect much from you. You can talk with her about that. She may be fine with giving it up too. So don't worry yourself before you know for sure if you can help it. Anyway hope it all works out.
First off, wait until you have all of the facts. You don't know enough to make such hige decisions just yet.
Secondly, don't run. If you really ARE a coward then I doubt you would be sat here worrying. You would already have bottled it. Which leads me to believe that it isn't really an option but it makes you feel better to keep it open in your mind. Which is fine, but if you did make this baby (And frankly if you cant handle your drink, drink less!) then you need to have the balls to stand by it and treat it with love and respect.
Find out the facts and then consider your options. Your REAL options.
Good luck, and we'll help if we can.
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
ask to go to her first scan with her. they tell you a date then, and you can work out if it was you or not, give upto 5 days after the party for implantation etc.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
It is possible it's not yours (as has been said). If it is, there are a few options. If she's as young as you are, chances are she's just as scared (probably more) as you are. She should weight *all* of her options, that includes having the baby, abortion, and adoption.
I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.
If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first-hand what it's like to be me.
You'll need a symphony to give sympathy to the girl with the worst luck in town.
When I care, it curls me up on the floor and I swear I can't do it anymore.
If you aren't married I don't think there are any...it's up to you and her to come to an agreement...that is if she doesn't give the child up for adoption.
It probably depends on your country...but I don't think there's any law in the US that says you'd be obligated to do X, Y, and Z since you're not married.
I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.
If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first-hand what it's like to be me.
You'll need a symphony to give sympathy to the girl with the worst luck in town.
When I care, it curls me up on the floor and I swear I can't do it anymore.
In england, not sure where ur from, if u dont have an income or large amounts of savings (in the thousands) or u have a small income, then im pretty sure they dont ask u for much if any. U can come to ur own arrangements, if she claims income support then u can give her £20 a week before the started docking her income, so the most she'll get on top of her benefits (legally) is 20. Im not really sure about it, i think u should jst make sure ur with her and support her decision whatever it is and if she chooses to keep the baby step up to the responsibilty as it will be worth it
Thanks again, guys. As it happens, she's not pregnant. She apparently has high levels of HCG which caused all the false positives but she's not actually pregnant.
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