I really wish i knew what to do my mum has become really ill from a reaction to something and is being taken into hospital. Now i am worried about her but at the same time i don't want to care as i don' want to open that door again to all. If i let her in again like i have done so many times she will just resort to her old ways and that could push me over the edge as i'm sat close to it anyway.
She's my mum tho is it ok to worry after all she did?
It's okay to worry. She is your mum.You're allowed to worry. *cuddes you tightly* I don't have any words to make it right but yeah. You are allowed to worry and care. You're a lovely person! Caring is part of what makes you so wonderful. *licks*
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Jess i worry and care about people who deserve me to people i trust people i respect, she is neither of those things. I don't want to care or worry about her i don't like her for what she did to me . But then i think what if this is really serious does she deserve this? which i know the answer no on deserves things like this. A part of me also feels glad she is really ill because i am sick and twisted like that. The days i have dreamt of the day she was dead and no part of my life that i could put it all behind me. I would have done anything to watch her die. Yet i wish no one dead i'm not that person or am i? Have i been hiding behind a mask to hide my true anger towards that bitch.
She doesn't deserve you sweetheart. And you don't deserve what she did to you. I can't wave a wand and make you feel okay with it (wand is in the shop...) but I can be here to listen when you need to talk/rant abut it. I bet Lizzie will say the same thing!
*cuddles* Just be you. Don't fight yourself!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I could KILL her i really could i just phoned my dad and she sent the text from his phone, yes she is still ill from the allergic reaction but she isn't in hospital or as ill as she was making out. my dad was shocked when i asked him he had no idea what i was on about, i feel like an idiot who feel for her tricks again. Shes an EVIL WHORE why can't she leave me alone i have enough of this **** i really have. If she doesn't die then i want to and that will give her what she wants then maybe she will be happy and leave me alone.
Ive seen quite a few posts over the years here similar to this one. People who find themselves struggling with emotions towards family members who have been horrid/neglectful or abusive. The Parent becomes ill and you are left wondering how the hell to feel.
Seems, albeit everyones circumstances are different, that pretty much everyone feels the same in this situation. I guess the good thing in this is that your feelings are quite normal! Its far from easy though!
It shows you are a good person to not want someone to suffer. The conflict it brings can be damaging as often the anger we feel gets re-directed towards ourselves and ultimately it is us that pays the price!
Ultimately you need to forgive and move on. Its easier said than done! When people here this they either think its some religius mumbo jumbo or its just downright impossible and it aint ever gonna happen. What people seem to miss is that you DONt forgive what they did to you. you dont forgive their actions, but you do try to forgive their failings and their weakness. Forgiveness is a great healer for anger! I know, ive done it myself. I still struggle now whith what happened to me. But i forgive my stepfather for his idiocy and his failings and his weakness. I see im a better and stronger person than he is. I DONT forgive what he did. but im no longer angry.
Im no longer tearing myself up.
for now just try to accept that its ok to feel the way you do. accept that its natural. Your mother cant hurt you anymore if you dont let her!
I am working on how to forgive her with my shrink and maybe one day i will be able to. It is hard because at the moment i am just full of anger for her but hopefully over time that will change.
It will change over time I imagine, as you get better, you're ability to forgive will come. Hatred is such a drain on your energy! Your mum is a tool and treats you like rubbish. But, suckily, she is still your mum. You can care about her! Don't feel bad for caring just cause she's an evil whore :P you're just that type of person. A caring wonderful young man.
*cuddles*
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
it seems like it would be weird to look in the future and think i won't be hating her. When all i have known is hate for her it seems it may take a while to get rid of that, but i am working on it :)
