Triggering (SI) - Damaged

[Clover]

Erm not sure if this makes sence or just sounds crazy but hey........


I dont feel like myself i feel like a freak kinda like damaged goods. I hate myself so much i just feel sick thinking about me. I look in the mirror and wonna smash the face in of the person looking back at me, its so draining trying to fight the good when all u know is bad. I dont even think of myself as a person just a messed up mess. How am i ment to like me when i hate me so much. Been so low every time i cut i pray i slip and get sometime right for once. Everytime i sleep I fear i will die but part of me wants to. I'm sick of myself, Deep in me i'm fighting a losing war my whole body is just a mess. All i can think about is ending it. So low so numb so tearfull. i dont trust or feel safe with me. I dont know the donna thats coming out i dont know it its the good me or bad me, the kid me or grown up me. All i done tonight is shake and cry. I HATE THIS i wonna fight back but not sure how to anymore.

[wildly insane]

*hugs* sorry I don't have any wise words right now, but just wanted to offer my support. I hope things get easier.

[airwolf282]

Hey Donna,

I'm sorry that you are feeling so down lately. I kind of understand about self image issues because I have struggled with them myself, sometimes I wish I could just live as someone else ie. a "normal" person with a normal life. Hurting yourself isn't the answer though and you can beat this. These feelings are temporary even if it feels like they have been there forever they will go away. I have just made it to 5 weeks so if I can do it, I'm certain that you can too!

Can you talk to your doctor or somebody? Maybe a counsellor? Tell them how you are feeling about life and about yourself because there are ways to work through it can get your confidence back. You can always try flicking a rubber band against your wrist instead of cutting. It should help without leaving scars and dangerous cuts on your beautiful skin. I'm always here for you if you want to talk or vent, you can send me a PM anytime and I will always listen. Please take care of yourself and stay safe hun.

Hugs

Nathan xx