Triggering (Suicide) - its just all so messed up*also trig ed*

[cakey]

i don't know where to start, everythiing is just so messed up. my life has literally fallen apart and i don't know where to go from here. i feel like i am falling, and i don't think i have far left to fall. i feel so damn alone. noone seems to understand. i have friends but i know they are sick of me, i know that i am just another problem for them. and noone knows what to say to me.
i lost my kids, i lost my home. i lost everything, i have nothing left. and everyhing feels so empty. i can't cope. its so damn painful, so painful it hurts.
i can't sleep, i can't eat. when i do eat i purge. i constantly think of suicide. i am just about hanging on, but i don't know how long i can do that for. everything just seems so hopeless.
i don't know what i excpect from this post, in fact i don't excpect anything really. just for someone to maybe understand what is happening to me. someone to tell me something that will give me something to keep going for.
people keep tlling me the kids still need me, that even though i am not with them, they still need me. but i just can't see it. all i can see is that i failed them. i let them down, and they arre so much better off with their dad. so much better off without a mum who is so screwed up that all she can think about is leaving everything. thinking about the end.
the end looks so tempting. an end to all the hurting and an end to all the hurting i give other people. just peace. it seems so simple, so easy. i can't carry on like this, i have nowhere left to go. no where left to turn.
its just all so messed up.
*cries*

[Bitter_Angel]

when you had the kids did they still not enjoy going to visit their dad? so they will enjoy visiting you. you can drop just because of this.
You have nothing else left to lose you have hit the bottom, so try to get better you cant get much worse, think of it that way. things can improve but you have to get out there an take action. get yourself some therapy an make sure you are taking your meds, hell ask for a med review if you feel it would help. but keep fighting this. things can still work out in the end.

[wildly insane]

Things can get better, even if you can't see it there is hope and you don't know what is lying around the next corner. Your children do need you and they need you to be there for them. Whatever you may think having a mum to love them and know their mum loves them is far far better than having a mum who killed herself. I understand how difficult it is to keep fighting and how you just want the peace of giving up but somewhere in the future you could be smiling and laughing and enjoying time with your kids, would you want to miss out on that? I think going to see your doctor is a good idea too. Take care of yourself and keep hanging in there, hugs, Hannah