I just bought a hatchet with the intention of harming someone else, well guess i rather bottled things up & it's them or me! Guess I'd rather it be them which is even more scary.
Not quite sure why i'm going through sutch a crisis again but then again who wouldn't be in my predicament!
Well I've suffered with Depression, Stress & Anxiety since age 14, I'm 22 now, I'm on benefits, Income support & Disability premium all of £70 a week!
She went for a medical board & was signed off incapacity & now until theappeal comes through they are stopping her money, EVERY PENNY, my dad also has degenerative oseoarthritis mainly affecting his anckles, legs & feet, therefore he cannot work either, they where relying soley on my mothers benefit to live & now have ZERO income £0.00.
All 3 of us must now live on my benefit which after paying for my Gas & Electric & Water leaves us with £30 approx to put petrol in the car to travel the 9 miles to do food shopping & to buy food for the 3 of us!!!!!
I'm so mad & there's all these MP's getting FREE money for Mortgages they don't have!!!!!!
All government officials seem to be a law to themselves, it's so stupid they don't care if i KILL MYSELF BECAUSE OF THE FINANCIAL STRESS!!!!!
Well maybe they'll have to start listening if I take a hatchet to a Civil Servant, My old personal Advisor from the Jobcentre, The one whom I had an affair with when I was 16 the one taking advantage of his position who lied to his boss about what was going on when he was asked.
I'm fed up of holding everything in, it's about time I stood my ground & had some self respect, damn it all I want is to be happy, what's so difficult, why can't they just stop picking on me & my family.
I can't take mutch more of this we have welfare rights phoning 9:00 am in the morning to try & help.
GOD I hope they can help because I'm really cracking up here!!!!!
Hey....I understand how rubbish it must be, they really mess people around, do you have the CAB where you are, you can get telephone consultation with them and they can help! Try not to do anything dramatic,just keep whining at them!! HUGS! xx
Thanks for your reply, however CAB are much harder to get hold of here there is like a 3 month waiting list to see them, Hence turning to the welfare right's officer from the local council offices, although I do think dramatically, it doesn't mean to say i'd actually do anything other than harm myself. Guess I just get so mad sometimes it makes me want to do it, guess writing to the chief exec of the jobcentre about the guy might help get him removed from my local jobcentre to avoid sutch immediate danger. Well am a little calmer today although still no call from welfare right's it was due 9:00am it's now 10:00am. Maybe the best resort is to harm at least that way people from the Mental Health Service will jump through hoops backwards to try & help, it seems **** when your trying to move & fend for yourself when there is a crisis they don't want to know, maybe i should write a letter to the general medical council too about the standard of after care for mental health patcients in our area is not good enough, but then again they'd most likely just fob me off with "oh but their so under staffed", we'll who's fault is that? certainly not mine! I've had enough frustration, anger & aggrivation this year from the system & it's un-caring nature to last me a life time, sometimes all i want is for them to do the same for me now as they would if i had landed myself in hospital. I really hope they start helping soon or i may have to resort to desperate measures!
hey
i too am going through some horrific financial worries. my dad's lost his job due to alcoholism\narcotics(therefore no disability) so i understand how horrible it feels and how desparate you feel. (soon to be nouni, no home.. etc)
its like you would do absolutly anything to keep your family safe and happy but everything seems impossible without money.
its not worth harming yourself\someone else over though. if your feeling unsafe about the entire situation tell the mental health people, i am sure they will still take you seriously and try to help.
also, just keep calling and calling and calling. i know it feels pointless but they will see how much you need help eventually.
i dont really have any advice but i thought id let you know your not alone in the situation, so if you ever need to vent\chat feel free to pm me
xo
*hug*
"They say time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessons, but it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy
My mum lost her job when I was 12 and got given £3.43 a week to support both me and her. Pay the mortgage, bills and food. Obviously it didn't cover it.
These people that spend their lives on benefits and manage to go holidays and run a car and never seem to want for anything, how do they do it?! It's insane and unfair. I can't help out but I just wanted to offer sympathy x
Hi thanks for your kind replies, I did try for DLA about 2 months ago but got turned down, well wefare rights cant see us until the 16th so we have a week to wait before anything gets done, in the mean time my urges to cut are getting stronger & my urges for desperate measures are getting closer, I have thought about hanging myself but it's not a quick enough way to die. Guess I'm getting beyond the point of caring now, think I'll have a word at MIND & ask if they can help maybe get the CMHT back involved in my life, think it maybe for the best. I really need a break away from this hell hole & all this damn crying.
I see the words Stomach Cancer & Alarm Bells Ring although I assume this is in the worst case Scenario,
God damn wish the NHS service workers (doctors) would all speak to one another, medical board doctor is now very seriously deluded if he thinks she's fit for work, it's not surprising that i want to lodge an axe in the heads of people especially incompetant ones.
Why can't they see that not only do their pathetic actions not only effect my mother but all of us as a family.
I could quite happily do more than lodge an axe in the board doctors head how about an angle grinder to cut out his brain, SO ****IN ANGRY those bastards should be shot!!!!!
If only I had the guts to do anything to anyone but myself! :'(
Well I'm a little calmer today & have my housing support workers coming to see me on monday to try & help before we see welfare rights on thursday, anyway I gave in tonight I bought a bottle of Martini Bubbly, & a bottle of WKD original I was so desperate for a drink despite the money worries & I think it was better to have a drink than give in & cut after going nearly 16 months without cutting. If the money situation isn't resolved by next thursday I'll just call the bank & tell them to suspend all direct debits, not as if i'm staying at my flat at the moment my parents need me here. Swalec ough me £75 approx & Southern energy ough me £200+ so not as if i can't afford to suspend them, they'll have to take my payment out of that. As for welsh water I'm on a meter & have over paid & am paid up until mid 2010 so i'm not paying them either. With any luck it should be all sorted then it's just my health to worry about, still think I'm a little unsafe & could use some respite away from here, & maybe as a result they might get me back on track with all my meds & sort out what money I should really be getting as what I have really isn't helping me any it's just adding more stress where it's not needed & making the prospect of getting work seem even futher out of my reach. I still can't sleep at night it's not a good sign awake all night & asleep during the day because of the major stress & worry. I was thinking of asking all services involved to have a look here at what I've written so they can see just how bad I feel but I'm not sure would rather ask the permission of others who have posted first, I do find it hard to explain talking face to face than if they see what I've written. I'm hoping i can do some activities on monday as a little therapy too would like to get back into art & if I succeed & manage to regain some interest I'll post up some of my work for others to see. I'm trying to be as positive as I can be but now have the weekend to get through, not the best of time for me so will appreciate any replies & distractions I can get. Due to weekends being one of my most difficult times I apologise in advance if I upset anyone I really don't mean to but am sometimes very sensitive & get very tearfull. I am going to try & get some sleep again now so will be back again later in the day if I'm not back in a few hours.
know how you feel.
they will have to help you in some way, its not possible to support 3 people of an ammount allocated to just one person.
I know how hard life is on benefits. After i've paid my bills, and purchased the bare essentials i'm left with a very pathetic ammount, which i'm expected to have a social life, and live out of - which is impossible.
i know its crap, but you just have to keep your chin up, and if its possible for you to work, then keep your eye out for a job you like.
:)
hope something gets sorted soon. x
Well the acknowledgement of my mothers appeal has finally come through, so as from next week her income support is being re-instated at a reduced rate & backdated to 3rd of June, but in the mean time we just gotta survive, I'll have to start saving for a break away all over again, desperately need some time out from this hell hole. Well I met my new housing key worker yesterday what a waste of time, she was supposed to ring me this morning to check how i am & call down to get me out of the house, another empety promise, What's New! I could'ave really done with getting out the house today, I just feel so damn isolated
