Struggling

[realflifefaerie]

Hi,
I don't often post in here, mainly because I never feel I have a right too but right now I actually don't know where to turn.

For years as a family we've cared for my grandmother on and off, she's an alcoholic and every so often my parents get to a stage in which we can't deal with her everything blows up and we stay away for a while.

Anyway this weekend she's fallen, more than once, resulting in trips to AnE and 3 fractures in her right shoulder. To be fair to her the first time when she caused the most damage she was actually sober. This means that my mum and I have spend the whole weekend in and out caring for her, I went in friday morning to find her completely naked then the next morning to find she'd messed. We need practical help but it's so hard to get, we had the same battle just over a month ago when we were accused of neglect. The only way I can see of the situation improving is for me to move in with her, but at 19years old do I want that responsibility?

I'm really struggling to deal with it all, she's currently in respite for an undetermined amount of time but I really can't help feeling guilty that I wasn't there to stop her consequent falls. Also stuffs coming out about other family members and Im finding it really hard to deal with, as a child I was always a grandads girl and he's being tainted and I can't deal with that right now.

I'm dealing with this in the only way I know how, I'm trying to seek support from friends but Im finding it too hard to express how I'm feeling and just end up getting angry with them.

Thanks if you've read this far.

Secrets xxx

[wildly insane]

*hugs* it sounds like a really difficult situation and please don't worry about finding it hard to deal with, anybody would. Please do not feel guilty, you cannot possibly be there for her all the time and try not to listen to what is being said about your grandad, things get twisted and the real truth may never come out.

What you've got to work out is can you cope with being a carer? Are you willing to put your life on hold? In answer to these questions put yourself first, this is your life we're talking about, I know how responsible we feel towards people we care about, but sometimes it's not the best thing. It's a big decision to make so don't rush it. Maybe try writing down all your thoughts about the situation and going through them looking at which way you are trying to convince yourself to go, or whether you are making excuses about going in a particular direction.

Please do not feel alone, hugs, Hannah

[88shelz]

its great that you are even thinkning of moving in with her. it shows maturity and your caring nature. many people your age dont even know how to look after themselves or wouldnt think twice bout helping an elderly family member

there is no right or wrong answer. you need to take time to think about it and create a list of pros & cons. this is going to be your choice. only you know deep down if this is what you want or dont want!

[realflifefaerie]

There's been an update today, she's been moved into respite care but it may vary on day to day basis. So she may be in a day or a few weeks depending on her wishes and bed availability.

I hate not knowing what's going to happen, it makes me even more stressed because I can't plan anything.

This isn't the first time I will have cared 24/7 for a grandparent, I used to care for my grandfather on shifts with my parents when I was younger. It's just this is slightly different because of the alcohol issue.

Im feeling even more guilty because I've started sorting some of the house out today to try and make it easier for her to move around and its so dirt, she has a cleaner weekly but Im not sure what she does tbh.

All I can do atm is control my food and that's really not good. Im constantly tired but I can't stop because there's so much to sort.

I'm so confused.