Triggering (SI/OD) - Need help with a few things... sorry its a long.

wishfuldreams13 · 05-07-2009, 06:35 AM

okay, so i've rarely ever been on here so i know a lot of you may not know me. (i know this probably goes in the introduction thingy but just gonna say my names kayla)

anyways... the first thing i need help with is a paper im writing. i want to write it on self injury but i can't think of exactly what to write it on. it has to be argumentative. i was thinking something like how self injury is wrongly stereotyped. but i have no idea. anyone have any ideas?

the second thing is the whole fact that my paper is triggering me and i've already been triggered enough. last week i tried to commit suicide for the 2nd time this year. when i was brought to the hospital (not psychiatric) my mom told me to lie to the doctors. the next day i went to see my pediatrician and shes putting me into a partial hospital program for my anxiety,depression, cutting, and eating disorder. (i've already been in full hospital programs 3 times in the past year) i just can't understand why she would make me do that. wouldnt you think she would want me to tell the truth? i know if my paper is triggering me i shouldnt write it, but i honestly can't think of any ideas that wouldnt trigger me or thats not already being done.

i hate being triggered.

sorry this is long... i kinda felt like ranting

~hunni~ · 05-07-2009, 02:22 PM

Hey Kayla,
Is there a topic that your paper has to be focused on? Perhaps you could write something more general about mental health? You could try talking to your teacher (if you feel comfortable) and maybe they will be able to give you some ideas about something different to write or let you choose a different topic. I think it's really important to keep your own well being at the front of your mind.

Perhaps your mum wanted you to lie so that you wouldn't end up back in hospital; this situation is difficult for you, but it must also be very difficult for her to deal with. Whatever reasons your mumhas for saying that, I do think that it's important that you're honest with your doctors. The more honest and open you are, the better help you will receive. Do you think you can talk to your mum about this - maybe ask her why she didn't want you to tell the truth and explain to her why it's important that you do?
Stay safe
xxx

Diamonds. · 05-07-2009, 03:23 PM

Paper may be triggering, but always good to get feelings out and lifting that weight on your shoulders. But you have to be careful.

As for your mother, maybe you need to explain to her that you didnt like that she lied. Like Hunni said, maybe she didnt want you back in hospital. Did you wanna be back in there?

wishfuldreams13 · 06-07-2009, 04:34 AM

the essay just has to be persuasive. and it's for college so i want it to be extra good. but thats the least of my worries right now.

i would talk to my mom about why she wanted me to lie... but shes dones that before and i just kinda gave up on it.

its not that i want to be in the hospital... i just want to be somewhere where i'm safe. and being at home with all the fighting with my boyfriend and just now (today actually) getting a message on Facebook from a guy who may be my birthdad after always thinking it was someone else SOOO doesnt help. haha.
idk if you've ever heard of the maury show... but thats what i feel like my life is like right now.

flippinterp · 06-07-2009, 10:03 PM

I'm sorry you've been feeling so unstable lately. About your paper, it might be better for you to write about something completely different. While I think writing about SI would be a very interesting and valid topic, and you'd have some great things to say about it, I also think that you would need to be in a better place mentally to be able to write it safely. Your well-being is much more important than a paper. There's a difference between something being hard to do and something that will trigger you to the point where you're unsafe. Colleges typically look at your writing ability and also try to get a sense of who you are when they're looking at essays and such. There's so much more to you than just cutting, or even mental health issues. Maybe you could find something else that's important to you, and write on that. For example, if you're an animal lover, you could argue for or against euthanasia, trap/sterilize/release programs, or something like that.