Triggering (SI) - why do you do it?

[Ds.]

Obviously i could just not hurt myself, but then why do i do it?
its not like i dont want to stop i just dont want to feel like i want to do it in the first place.
i feel **** about scars and dread that someone might notice them but still i might do it again and im not even sure why......

[bleedingdragon]

" Could be triggering "

Hi Ds,
When you say "why do you do it " is that a question to yourself ? or is it a question to others. I guess its a question to yourself, if im wrong please tell me.

There are many reasons why people self harm its a coping method that people use to help themselves deal with deep emotional pain.
Self harm has a habit of getting worse over time, some people manage to eventually overcome it and replace self harm with other positive coping methods. And many continue to struggle with it . I have been self harming cutting for around 5 years ive been through quite alot so its taking me a while .

If your asking the question to yourself the "Why do you do it" i guess right now you cant see the reason why. Its not easy to look into yourself and face certain issues ,You will get to understand that spending time here will help you know that many RYLers self harm for a certain reason , and some rylers are self harming and cant see the reason why they do it, only you can find out what the reason is or not. for some their teenage years may be a very difficult and frightening time for them , family difficulties, divorce ,bullying, abuse, a death in the family and many more .

The reason why i self harm was because of being in an abusive relationship/marriage my ex wife was abused as a child . I suffered emotional, and mental abuse from her and i suffered domestic violence from her, and i was bullied in my job over a 4 year period. So i tend to know why i self harm. Self harming is a coping method a symptom of your difficulties you can try to heal your self harming on its own but if you dont descover the main reason why you started self harming your self harming will come back . I hope you are able to descover why you do it was it something in your childhood or anything recent.

Im sure you want to stop self harming, im sure we all blame ourselves for self harming and wanting to be rid of it. I hope that ryls distractions can help you as well as rylers personal experiences help to give you some coping methods.

And i can understand you feeling **** about scars , thats an issue for most of us, me included i have alot of scars on my left forearm. There are a few products out there that can help us with our scars. " Bio oiL " is one it helps to reduce scars . That is helpfull when we are at the stage of giving up self harm , its no good to try them when we are stil self harming .

I hear you about dreading someone seing your scars , i dont like anyone to know i self harm only close family to know about my scars from self injuring , my parents dont understand about self harm or why i do it, ive tried to help them look into it or ask me about it but they struggle. Ive learnt now that i cant talk to them about it and , i only discuss it with professionals such as councellors, my dr or psychiatrists .

If you wanted to tell your family you may be lucky that they understand, or you may choose not to tell them , whatever you do or not its important that you have somewhere RYL to come to and RYLers here who will listen and understand and accept you. And that you find professional support if you need to to help you overcome self harm.

I wear hoodies or long sleeve tops , i dont show my scars and cuts from self harming cutting anymore. Im sure you feel guilty for self harming and also for having to hide them from others. Unfortunatly many people still dont understand enough about self harming and tend to judge us in a negative way. I gather your partner doesnt like you self harming, im sure she is worried and just wants you to be safe. It must put alot of pressure on you trying to hide your self harm from your partner especially if they react negativly.

Have you tried to print off info about self harming from RYL so you could give them to your partner and let them take in the information and asking her to get back to you to talk about anything. If you find it difficult to talk about self harm have you tried to write down stuff that you could let your partner read and understand you better. If you cant talk to her then its important you have someone else you can talk to about it. RYL being one and i hope you are able to talk with a councellor or dr.

Its hard to talk to others especially councellors and some are better than others , sometimes it takes a while before you find a professional who you get on with . Its allways up to you what you talk to a councellor about but not talking about certain issues could hold you back .

In the beggining i didnt have a clue why my now ex wife was self harming cutting herself. I was very frightened at first mainly because she wouldnt tell me why she was doing it. And i at first thought she was trying to kill herself so i would try to stop her even physically. Its natural for a partner or close friend to want to understand you and keep you safe , but like me in the beggining i made everything worse. You cant suddenly take away a partners coping methods (such as cutting) by removing all the tools. This often pushes them more underground so they find other tools or ways (we are actually removing their coping method) I eventually learnt more about self harm and understanding that it is a coping method. I learnt this too late into our relationship but its been a valuable experience for me i understand now why she did it .

take care of yourself and stay safe

Dave

[ScreamsofSilence]

I just started self injury again. I do it in a hidden place. I’m not sure why I do it. I think that it’s because I believe I deserve some type of punishment.

[hellohefalump]

I do it because sometimes my (negative) feelings become so overwhelming that I feel like I'm going to explode with them. So I turn that in on myself. It's like, I'm focusing all my feelings and a result, I feel better.

That didn't make sense... sorry

So... I do it because my feelings are too overwhelming to deal with better ways.

[Ami]

I do it because the pain makes me feel better. Like I deserve it. And I just feel crappy to be honest.

I hope you're okay x

[pugdog]

each person who si's mostly has different reason(s) they do it, some do it to take their mind off of memories, some do it to try and override their emotional pain through physical pain (like if a dripping faucet annoys you, you turn on the vacuum so you wont hear the faucet.. doesnt make much sense if youre looking for quiet, but at least you dont hear the faucet)

i havent cut or burnt intentionally for over a year and a half because of a promise i made my wife. i still hit, pinch, scratch etc. they dont do the permanent scars like what i used to do, or as often as i used to. i do it because i hate myself. i hate who i've become, my mind keeps reminding me of all of my many failures. if you've ever lived with someone you cant stand, where no matter where you go they are right there to annoy you, critisize you.. over time all you want to do is get away from them, you want to hurt them so they wont come back, you want to get rid of them... well thats the way i am with myself. there is no seperating me from who i am or that critical part of me that digs into myself, so i hurt myself, because i hate myself. and when my wife (who i love) sees my new scratches or bruises, it hurts her.. so i hate myself worse.

anywho, thats my main reason, i hope you can get relief from the si and whatever else is troubling you. just quitting doesnt work well unless you have something healthy to replace it with. people have trouble quitting smoking or drinking even when the only reason why they do it is because the substance itself is making the addiction. people dont cut because cutting is fun, they cut because of deeper pain of some sort. if you just quit without taking care of the deeper stuff, there will still need to be something to replace it with.

-brian