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Shopaholic
Dear Vets,
i am writing this in here because i need some advice from someone impartial and as most of you are my age, i hope you'll be able to understand the difficult position i'm in.
Thing is, i buy stuff. Like LOTS of stuff. Mainly clothes, jewelry, shoes and bags. I have enough of all these things to provide a mnior city of young girls. I have so many that i couldn't possibly need more. Yet i keep buying.
It has been like this for a good few years now. Buying stuff gives me a kick when i'm sad/ lonely/ angry/ diappointed and frustrated. And since i'm mentally ill i often find myself indugled in one of these emotions. And then buy something to get that kick to cheer me up. I also get severe urges to buy things if i haven't for a few days.
It works like a drug for me. I get high when i find something i like in a store and then buy it.
But it's consuming my life and i have had to realise i have a problem. A quite serious one at that. I juggle between the bills account and my payments account, moving money around to cover my overdrafts. I lie about stuff i've bought to make it seem like i buy less. I hide reciepts so no one will find them and see how much i spend. I hide new stuff when my mum comes to visit so she won't know how much i've bought. I take up loans and make overdafts to finance my insane buying. I hide letters from the bank etc. etc......
I'm really out there where eveythings stands and falls with how i choose to deal with this. I have come to the conclusion that i need help, because this has become compulsive and it ruins my life because i always worry how i'll afford food for me and my animals, how i can pay bills, if the bank will close my credit card and so on and so on. I'm in deep **** here, guys.
I've found a center in my town where they treat shopaholics. Unfortunately it's privat treatment so i have to finance it myself. And this is where it gets hard. On one hand i realise i have a problem that i'm unable to solve on my own. On the other hand i beat myself up and tell myself i'm just an idiot who need to get her **** together.
I'll be in debt if i do this treatment. I will be in debt if i don't and just continue as i do now.
I need some advice as to what i do. Because i keep hearing my mums voice in my head telling me i just gotta pull myself together. But i've tried to pull myself together and failed miserably. Yet i hear her say that i'll be a dumbass to put myself even more in debt by taking this treatment....
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