what to do?

[broken-elegance]

I have been a cutter for a long time. I am losing control over it. I have cut very dangerously twice. And if it happens again I don't think I will get help. I am at the point where I can not function without it. This is gonna be how I go out. in some weird way, I am ok with that. Cutting has become the only constant and dependable thing in my life. I know that I have become addicted to it. I have tried asking for help and I have tried multiple hospital stays. The doctor has said that I need long-term intensive care but there isn't any in my whole state. so I have decided that there is no more reason to fight. that I have come to the end of the line. The way I see it is I pack up and leave or I call it quits. I'm ok with both options. one just gives me a longer life span than the other.

[Pomegranate]

I’m sorry things are so crappy and you feel so stuck. It sucks that there is no provision in your state. Is getting treatment out of state an option? Longer lifespan at least gives the possibility of things improving. I really resonated with what you said about cutting being your consistent etc and I know it’s a really hard place to be. When you’ve been in hospital, do they actually offer you any support or is it more just containing you?

[Zurg]

Hey there. I hope you Will come back to see this. Because even if you have given up hope because you can't see it just now, i can see a glimpse of it for you. I really, REALLY want you to leave the state you're in atm and go and give the intensive treatment option a try. I imagine it's somewhere you're supposed to stay while recieving the neccessary therapy?? In my opinion, it IS worth a try. It may Seem like things Will never change. And it may Seem like they have been this Way forever. But they can change and no, they haven't been this Way forever.

You say you are ready to give up. I really do get that. I'm at that point too quite often. But i still Think that in coming here, writing this thread and posting it, there's quite possibly a very small part of you that wants the change more than the death….?? And this is the part i want you to listen to. The one who does not want it to end like this, who still wants to fight and believes in more than just surviving from one day to the other. That small part of you is just as important as the rest!!! If there is even just a tiny trace of conflicted emotions over this, i want you to pay attention that that.

Help is out there. It's ****ing hard to find it, ****ing hard to fight to get it and it's even more ****ing hard to recieve it and work with it and get better. But there are people out there willing to help and knowing how to help. And surely,,that's a small glimmer of hope in the middle of this mess???

It's your life. And no matter what you choose to do from now on, it's going to end some day. That's pretty much the only thing we can be sure of. But i don't believe it is supposed to end like this. Not with a broken spirit and body. Fight this fight!!! Do it for you!!!! It can get better. It may not ever be happily ever after but any kind of improvement counts for something. Small things make up the sum of the bigger things. It's hard to see hope right now, i get it. But i have never met anyone i did not Think couldn't be helped.

I hope you Will continue to talk to us. Whatever decision you make, we'll be here. Xx