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Old 22-08-2024, 01:27 PM   #61
one_step_closer
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I think if you could fly you would be able to take off from the ground most likely and therefore would have done so already. You have been trying jumping off furniture but gravity just pulls you back down. I don't think flying is the answer to this. What is the pull of flying? What does it mean to you?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

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Old 22-08-2024, 03:16 PM   #62
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My mum brought the notebook, I'm trying to use it.

Flying is important because I need to prove I'm right, not crazy. I would be free of the voices and everything would be OK.

I think the staff are going to try to poison me. It's effecting my eating today. I tried texting my CPN but maybe he's on holiday because he hasn't replied.

Edit
I phoned my CPN. He was helpful. But he also said the psychologist I was seeing for therapy had told him something I'd said that was concerning and he wants to talk about it when he comes to see me next week! I have no idea what I said!


Last edited by tamobhuuta : 22-08-2024 at 04:03 PM. Reason: Add a bit


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Old 22-08-2024, 06:27 PM   #63
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Who says that everything would be ok if you proved you could fly? The voices? I don't think they can be trusted as voices have said wrong things to you in the past and no one would tell you to try and fly if they cared about you. Did your CPN ease your fears about your poisoning belief? Do you know when next week he's coming to see you? It doesn't seem fair that he's left you wondering what he wants to talk about.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 22-08-2024, 07:14 PM   #64
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Yes, the voices. But they're so nice when they talk about flying!

I think talking helped the fear a bit, I was able to eat a little dinner.

I don't know when he's coming, he said he'd be in touch...



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Old 23-08-2024, 02:46 PM   #65
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My visit from CPN will be a surprise one as he doesn't know his movements next week. I might phone my psychologist on Tuesday and see if she can tell me what they're concerned about.



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Old 23-08-2024, 08:20 PM   #66
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They're sending me birds and messages in the music. They're saying I can fly over the fence and escape but I'm not so sure...



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Old 24-08-2024, 12:40 PM   #67
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All attempts at flying have failed. You honestly can't fly, you are just being persuaded by an unreliable source. You say you're not so sure, that's a good step. Try and challenge things if you can. Talk to the staff if you need to.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 24-08-2024, 02:37 PM   #68
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I would have flown if the bloody police hadn't tricked me.

My nurse said we will talk later in a vague kind of way. I've had prn because they didn't like the way I was sitting on my bed. I'm scared it was poison.



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Old 24-08-2024, 06:57 PM   #69
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Really sorry how horrible and impossible things feel right now both with the flying and poison. It sounds incredibly distressing.

Along with what others here have said, there is no physical anatomical way that humans can fly. Our bones and bodies are quite literally not built for it to be possible. So while it makes sense that whomever is telling you this holds a lot of power and may seem persuasive, we don't see any possible way for this to be true. Not given the laws of gravity and physics and the physical anatomy of the human body.

Re the poison, we def understand being scared of it. But is there anything that happened to the prn to make you think it may have been poison? We know hospitals there are not great, but we really cannot imagine anyone there trying to poison a patient. They would not just get in trouble, they would lose their job and license. Was the prn a different color, shape, texture? Was something weird about the way they gave it to you, like a different staff member you don't know? If not, it sounds like although a valid fear, it may not be actually true. We aren't saying it isn't possible just that it would be incredibly unlikely and risky for that to actually occur.

We do hear how distressing it all is for you and we hope things lessen in intensity soon.



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Old 24-08-2024, 07:21 PM   #70
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Why give it to me when I wasn't visibly troubled or causing bother? Given that I'm still alive, that is evidence agreeing with you. After I took it I felt sick and my heart went and i got a headache.



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Old 24-08-2024, 07:47 PM   #71
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You said they were concerned about how you were sitting on your bed. So perhaps they were worried you were going to try to fly somehow, which would be unsafe and therefore in their eyes, troubled. You could ask them about it?

Hmm. The physical response you had COULD be from anxiety/concern about the poison - we know that's something that occurs to us with anxiety is we get a physical reaction. Could you again ask staff about it and to check you over physically if you are still feeling the way you are?



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Old 24-08-2024, 08:22 PM   #72
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Now I just feel a bit sick and anxious.

I honestly am trying to take everyone's viewpoints seriously.



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Old 25-08-2024, 02:54 AM   #73
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it's definitely obvious to us that you are trying. we hope staff sees that too and we hope the sick feeling has passed by now. if it hasn't definitely worth asking to be checked over.



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Old 25-08-2024, 05:41 PM   #74
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Dinner was sandwiches made to our instructions and labelled with our names. This freaked me out, so easy to poison just my sandwich. Staff refused to have a corner so I got even more suspicious and couldn't eat the sandwich.



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Old 25-08-2024, 11:32 PM   #75
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Would it be an option to ask if you could watch them be made? (or even help if you feel you could and if they say yes) - and then you know it's made to your instructions but also you know its safe?



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Old 26-08-2024, 02:44 AM   #76
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tbh would find it even weirder if staff were willing to eat your food! get why you wanted them to try it as a test. but like, that's.... not something staff would likely be allowed to do for any reason. so it probably had nothing to do with being poisoned and just being against the rules and staff not wanting to get in trouble themselves.

if the sandwich was made to your instructions labelling it makes sense so that it could be something you could eat. we get you are concerned about poison. we get you struggle with food. but this doesn't sound like a situation where anything suspicious occurred from our point of view, frustrating and upsetting as it may have been for you.

did anyone else get sick from eating their sandwiches? if not, then it sounds like yours probably would have been safe as well.



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Old 26-08-2024, 08:44 PM   #77
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Everyone else was fine.

I got IMed this evening. I thought the voices and i could fight the staff off. I feel like a failure, especially then taking night meds.



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Old 27-08-2024, 11:16 AM   #78
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You have to take meds, it's important. The voices are the ones in the wrong and I'm sorry they are influencing you to do unhelpful things.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 27-08-2024, 06:22 PM   #79
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How did your ward round go? If you don't want to talk about it that's ok.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 27-08-2024, 06:39 PM   #80
tamobhuuta
 
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He actually got me to talk.

The nurse who gave me prn earlier is a duck. He deliberately gave me half the dose to see if I really needed it. Turns out half the dose didn't work.



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