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Old 31-08-2022, 09:22 PM   #1
The Worst Witch
 
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Contains abuse - I知 really scared

I have an appointment for rape counselling on the 19th. Its only to see if the service is suitable for me and to put me on the waiting list if it is, but my support worker isn稚 allowed to come wirh me. I知 gonna askV to meet me afterwards, but any words of advice on what to expect?

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Old 31-08-2022, 10:04 PM   #2
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I've not had the exact experience, but from my experience of assessments etc for other types of therapy, they know what they're doing. They'll take it at your pace. I've got a couple of friends who access therapy through similar services and they've said it's been so helpful and compassionate - the counsellors know you've been through something awful and they know you're scared. It's good you're meeting someone afterwards - would someone be able to be in the waiting room, if they're not allowed in the actual assessment?



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Old 01-09-2022, 12:22 PM   #3
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I’d feel uncomfortable with someone sitting in the waiting room for however long, it just seems like a waste of time and that I’d be a burden for asking someone to do it. It might be a better idea to ask them specifically if they’d allow someone with me just for the assessment, rather than the counselling (I know its totally inappropriate for someone to be in counselling sessions with me).

I also feel bad that the contents of the assessment would upset someone else, given the nature of the service. I know they aren’t going to want me to go into great detail, but I have gone into some detail with Claire and V (basically just told them that I was assaulted and who by) and even then I could tell they were both angry and upset. Womans aid did let Claire into my assessment, but that might’ve been because she already knew 99% of it and it was mostly so I could get help for my behaviour towards V and recognise it as abusive. I guess I can only ask, and then if they say yes I can decide what to do then.

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Old 01-09-2022, 04:12 PM   #4
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That makes sense. I hope they allow somebody in for the assessment and it sounds like they both know enough about what went on for it to be OK, but if not could you ask Claire or V to come to the clinic and be there when you came out? That way you wouldn't be worrying about them being in the waiting room the whole time, but they'd be there if you need them afterwards.



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Old 02-09-2022, 06:22 PM   #5
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I emailed them and they’re going to make an exception and let Claire come with me. I’m pleased that she’ll be able to come, and can get V to meet me in town afterwards.

I’m desperately trying not to cancel the appointment. It’ll be good in the long run, no matter how hard it might be to tell someone what happened.

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Old 02-09-2022, 10:11 PM   #6
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I hope you can go. At the very least you can see what types of questions they ask and info they need. If you don't feel comfortable answering, at least you will more prepared to go back in the future.



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Old 04-09-2022, 05:25 PM   #7
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Thats true Camden. I just, I’ve buried what happened for so long, it was just kind of dismissed after my mum told my school that I was lying and he was allowed to come back to school (although he wasn’t allowed to talk to me, not that that stopped him). Its always been kind of thought of as ‘thats what happens when you’re in a relationship’ and not as assault.

I’m feeling very confused

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Old 04-09-2022, 08:34 PM   #8
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That does sound very confusing. Maybe some support could be good to help talk about it and try to make sense of?



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Old 04-09-2022, 11:38 PM   #9
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It might, yeah. I was supposed to be referred a year ago and its taken various professionals (but mainly Claire and V) to convince me it might be a good idea. A lot of whats happening in my life atm can be traced back to when I was 15, like not knowing what a healthy relationship looks like and having unhealthy relationships with my dad and other people.

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Old 06-09-2022, 07:31 PM   #10
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Sorry for bumping.

I’m really struggling today. I saw Claire this morning and the appointment was difficult and overwhelming, she ended up getting arsey with the woman on the phone and because it took so long to actually get through to the right person, my appointment time was up by the time I had so she sent me away woth the number and instructions to phone them myself. I went for a nap afterwards but it has just made me grumpy, I had a fight with my girlfriend which resulted in neither of us getting cuddles when we needed them and a feeling of guilt. I’m just done woth being autistic, it messes everything up!

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Old 06-09-2022, 09:16 PM   #11
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oh no! That is incredibly frustrating. That's not fair of Claire to make you try to do it yourself though if it's supposed to be her job to help. Can you try again the next time you meet with her or do you have to phone them at the set time/date?

Do you have any of the cats with you that you could at least get some cat cuddles?

Being autistic can suck sometimes, but it sounds like at least some of the things that occurred were at least not due to that, and were entirely out of your control.



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Old 06-09-2022, 10:05 PM   #12
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I don’t have cats with me but do have my teddy, I’m cuddling that.

The problem is it always takes so long to get through to people, so for example today I was on hold for an hour before anybody answered and by that time, appointment is over. I can’t make longer appointments becaise they’re restricted to an hour. I’ll message her tomorrow to see if she has any other suggestions, but at the moment its pretty much ‘do it yourself’.

I also don’t like the fact I haven’t been seeing the cats very often and I feel like a terrible mum. I haven’t been making them the priority they should be and yeah, just feel like a shut human basically.

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Old 06-09-2022, 10:39 PM   #13
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What if you rang like an hour before the start of your appointment, so that by time Claire arrives, the hold time should be mostly up? Would that be doable for you? I use relay for phone calls because that's the only way I can do them, and holding on relay isn't actually awful because you can do other things while you wait. It might be worth looking into relay options there too if phone calls are a consistently difficult thing?

Can you arrange with V to get more cat time? I know how important they are to you.

Thinking of you. You can always email if you want.



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Old 07-09-2022, 01:08 PM   #14
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That might be an idea. She usually uses her work phone to phone people for me but I could use mine. She doesn’t work Wedbesday afternoons so I don’t think I’ll hear back from her today but I have messaged her, I’ve asked her to come with me to an appointment on Monday.

I can go and see the cats whenever I want to, I just haven’t been feeling up to it which makes me feel awful because you can’t not deal with your pets. V is doing a hell of a lot for them and I’m not really helping and I’m just shit.

Just so much going on. I’m also in the middle of a burnout (I think an extreme one given how hard it is to human) and meh. Its awful being me atm


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Old 10-09-2022, 08:40 PM   #15
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Burnout really is awful. We hope you can take some much needed time to rest. It sounds like you need it and you absolutely deserve it.



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Old 13-09-2022, 10:55 AM   #16
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I think my appointment will probably be rearranged because of the Queens funeral. More time to be anxious about it, fabulous.

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Old 13-09-2022, 05:21 PM   #17
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Ugh. That's incredibly frustrating. :(



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Old 15-09-2022, 11:08 AM   #18
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It only got postponed ny a day, am seeing them on Tuesday instead. Claore can come with me on Tuesday because the schools and nurseries will be back open.

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Old 15-09-2022, 04:23 PM   #19
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I'm glad Claire can be available to go with you. How are you feeling about it?



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Old 15-09-2022, 04:31 PM   #20
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I’m really anxious. A lot of stuff has come up over the past few months simce I started thinking about it seriously again, before that it probably did affect me but I’ve only just come to terms with the fact what happened was wrong, everyone I told about it made out it was consensual/didn’t believe me it happened so yeah. Just feeling confused in general.

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