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Easier to see where others are struggling socially than ourselves
Has anyone noticed that it is easier to see where others may be struggling socially or making mistakes but have a harder time seeing what you may be doing yourself? You may not understand why something is happening to you, yet you can pinpoint exactly where someone is going wrong when they mess up in a social situation.
I've noticed this has been the case for me. Usually I may not realize until after the fact where I messed up, but if someone else, like another friend or acquaintance, complains about problems they are having, I can usually pinpoint the exact moment they either messed up or some signs or body language that they missed. Almost like it is easier to see as an outsider about what is going on.
I've had friends and acquaintances mention how they struggle and always feel left out. In fact, I know a couple people who assume any act of rejection or perceived rejection is a hostile act to make their lives miserable. What they fail to see is that, even though someone may like them as a person, they may not feel as close.
I had a friend tell me that someone she felt close to from church would talk to another friend more. It would cause feelings of rejection and feeling left out. She assumed the person she was friends with was purposely leaving her out, even though there was no wrongdoing. It was just a simple matter of someone talking to another friend a little more.
My friend assumed it was a hostile act. Yes, in some cases, people can be hostile and toxic and only see you as a friend they can take advantage of. But in this scenario, I saw no signs of toxic behavior. It was more of an unfortunate case where my friend just felt closer to the girl from church than that girl did to my friend. I understand that hurts though. Rejection doesn't feel good but those things do happen.
I used to have that problem. I used to think that any sign of rejection was a hostile act in high school. Now, looking back, I know that most of them weren't trying to be hostile, they just didn't feel close to me or see me as a friend. They may have liked me just fine as a person, just not as a friend. Yes, there were definitely toxic people, but not everyone was.
I've also had friends who would interject themselves into conversations and watching as an outsider, I can clearly see the other people looking annoyed. After the fact, a friend may claim that the group outright rejected them and was rude. Again, it was a case of bad timing and putting themselves in a conversation they were just simply not invited to be a part of.
Like I said, there are definitely toxic people out there, I've met lots of them. But at the same time, not everyone who rejects or treats you differently is doing so with toxic intent. These are the times where I can pinpoint where someone else is going wrong or missing subtle signs and body language, but it takes longer for me to notice for myself. I've gotten better at it though. Anyone else find it easier to see where others are going wrong? I think it is a common thing to notice things faster as an outsider looking in as opposed to within yourself.
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