I am feeling so lost and confused and stressed over this. It is the anniversary of 3 years since i stopped using drugs (dissociative hallucinogens/inhalants/other). It is so much more than stopping drugs, this was a turning point, a VERY slight turning point to the long journey of learning how to deal with a whole heap of unresolved **** in a healthy way...building a life...rewiring my brain....and becoming a person, with a personality, not just 'sick' or an 'addict'.
This year is especially important as i'm realising that without my dad (who passed away a year ago) i would most likely not have made it through. It was clear at the time but i was angry, and now in retrospect it is SO clear that he never EVER abandoned/gave up on me despite anything i did.
I want a way to share a part of my story or something about what my dad did, or some information i want people to know not relating to me but to issues i feel strongly about (eg preventing suicide/addiction)...but everytime i go to write anything i feel sick and weak and feel like nobody cares.
It's hard because it's like i want to celebrate my achievement but most friends don't know/understand....and then i'm scared of saying anything because no words can be enough. They can't understand. But then i have so much to tell and how do i tell it!?!? And i want people to spoil me and make a big deal but it's awkward for them because it's a sensitive/different/scary topic/thing to celebrate.
........advice?
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No drugs. Complete abstinence of any illicit, non-prescribed, substance use or abuse with the purpose of being in an altered state.
I am scared. Everytime this year it gets hard. The memories and the doubts. The knowing that most of those around me don't understand. The cravings increase, as does the fantasy - completely unrealistic may i add.
Last edited by butterfly hearts : 20-02-2010 at 10:09 AM.
Reason: Re-titled and added stuff
Melancholia is my mummy Black Rose is my cupboard hiding in buddie All I'm Living For owns me...i'm her pet frog Aimee in Wonderland is my best-ever-man-girl-lover Lozza is my lovely care bear
Wow well done, you have done so well. we are here for you. x
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
First of all hun well done on coming so far. Try and remember you have made it this far because you have the strength within you to defeat this. Also we are all here to support you through this. I have faith in you hun, you can make it through this. Take care
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
I think you've done amazingly.
What are the memories about though?
What were you previously trying to escape by achieving this altered state?
I imagine it must be difficult dealing with the memories of whatever it was, raw now. Feel free to message me if you'd like a chat.
xx
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?
Next question is.... how to celebrate?
I think it's an important time to 1 - have people recognise my achievement, 2 - get info out to people about things because it is an occassion when they will feel they should listen to me (bit bad i know), 3 - make it a bit deal so that i feel i need to keep counting and keep going.
Melancholia is my mummy Black Rose is my cupboard hiding in buddie All I'm Living For owns me...i'm her pet frog Aimee in Wonderland is my best-ever-man-girl-lover Lozza is my lovely care bear
Melancholia is my mummy Black Rose is my cupboard hiding in buddie All I'm Living For owns me...i'm her pet frog Aimee in Wonderland is my best-ever-man-girl-lover Lozza is my lovely care bear
Can you tell people you want to be spoiled? Or at least hint "let's do something big cause it's three years and i'm proud!" you have every right to have a day for you to celebrate
Well done, thats amazing.
I had a small issue with drugs when I was younger and I remember 'getting clean' it wasn't fun..luckly my last 'hit' scared the **** out of me which made it so much easier to stop but I do understand that whole 'anniversary' thing and it making the urges to 'try it again' or whatever you wanna call it stronger. Luckly and Thankfully what I went through was nothing 'big' or 'serious' I was just a stupid kid dabbeling in things I shouldn't but I realise it could have been so much worse.
I think you should be very proud of yourself and if your able to do what Aimee said about telling people, 'Hey lets do something to celebrate' then that would be really good.
I don't know how you feel about tattoos, but for my 1year SI free I got a tattoo.. It reminds me of what I achieved..sadly the free bit didn't last but I still look at it and think, Yes I can do that, I can be without it. Also, people asked me about the tat aswell and to some people I could say, well it was 1 year SI free..if you feel able to tell people about the reason why then your kinda doing what you wanted to do about telling people 'your story'.
I think you should definatly try to write, remember it doesn't have to be 'perfect' straight away and it may take some time but I for one would be interested in reading about it.
Anyway, once again, congratulations on the 3 years. You should be immensely proud of yourself and it is definatly a reason to celebrate!
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
Ways to celebrate- Go out somewhere nice with friends, buy yourself a nice piece of jewelery or something similar to remind you of how far you have come
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
