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Old 01-11-2020, 01:58 PM   #41
[Luna]
 
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I’m feeling so low and having some really bleak thoughts.
I’m trying to distract but it’s hard.
I want to cry. I’m so sorry to keep moaning at you guys.

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Old 01-11-2020, 03:17 PM   #42
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You don't have to apologise
I'm sorry I don't have any helpful suggestions but I'm thinking of you and I really hope you feel better soon <3



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Old 01-11-2020, 04:30 PM   #43
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I agree, this is your space to be real with how you feel. Be very kind to you and reach out for support if you need it. You deserve to feel safe.

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Old 02-11-2020, 12:32 AM   #44
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You're being really brave to try.

I am glad you are talking to us, letting things out doesn't make them go away, but it's way better than not expressing yourself.



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Old 02-11-2020, 01:07 PM   #45
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We're all here for you, post any time. How are things today? (You don't have to answer).





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Old 02-11-2020, 01:25 PM   #46
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Thank you all so much for being so kind.

I'm feeling a bit brighter today. I had counselling on skype this morning which helped and also spoke to my GP. Tomorrow will be the last day of isolation for my son and I. I can't wait to take him out for a walk on Wednesday. We are both desperate to go outside. xx

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Old 02-11-2020, 04:02 PM   #47
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*hugs you!!* im glad you feel better sweetie!!! <3



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Old 03-11-2020, 11:05 AM   #48
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I feel so ashamed. I had a huge meltdown this morning and wrecked loads of the garden which my wife loves and has worked so hard on. She's being amazingly understanding but I feel awful and want to make it up to her but I don't know how.

I don't know why I did it. I completely lost control. I was watching myself do it and knowing I was being absolutely out of order but I couldn't stop.

Any ideas on how to do something to help my wife?

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Old 03-11-2020, 11:28 AM   #49
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<3
Could you repair the damage you’ve done? Big big hugs xxx

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Old 03-11-2020, 01:19 PM   #50
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She went to asses the damage and apparently it's not too hard to fix. I don't know anything about gardening but I'll happily pay for anything she wants to get to fix the garden. I just feel so angry at myself. I hate losing control like that. I wish I knew a quick way to stop the meltdowns happening but I know it isn't possible.

It just makes me hate myself so much more.

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Old 03-11-2020, 06:18 PM   #51
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I think paying is a great idea, but also just wondering if there is any sort of action or gesture you can take as well? If not it's okay, but if you can physically help with the cleaning up, or maybe get her a new plant as well that might go a lot further than just paying to fix it as it shows a little more thought? I don't know if that makes any sense because I don't mean it to be harsh. Just do the best you can.

When you say you had a meltdown, what does that mean for you? Do you know what causes or triggers it, and/or what happens during that time?



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Old 03-11-2020, 09:50 PM   #52
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I second the suggestion to maybe get a new plant for her.

I think that maybe the best way to make her feel better is to work out how to handle meltdowns. I know it's so much easier said than done though. Guilt can be overwhelming and get in the way of working through what caused this.



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Old 04-11-2020, 08:23 AM   #53
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auror. View Post
I think paying is a great idea, but also just wondering if there is any sort of action or gesture you can take as well? If not it's okay, but if you can physically help with the cleaning up, or maybe get her a new plant as well that might go a lot further than just paying to fix it as it shows a little more thought? I don't know if that makes any sense because I don't mean it to be harsh. Just do the best you can.

When you say you had a meltdown, what does that mean for you? Do you know what causes or triggers it, and/or what happens during that time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unbreakable. View Post
I second the suggestion to maybe get a new plant for her.

I think that maybe the best way to make her feel better is to work out how to handle meltdowns. I know it's so much easier said than done though. Guilt can be overwhelming and get in the way of working through what caused this.

I did most of the cleaning of the garden, the only thing I left were some damaged plants because I didn't know how to fix them. Getting her a new plant is a good idea, thank you. I would have to ask her which plant she would like which is kind of what I meant by paying because I honestly have no clue. The garden is very much her escape that she has for herself.

In regards to the meltdowns. I guess it's like pressure building and building until a little thing triggers an explosion and I get really agitated (like there's a horrible energy in my body that I can't get rid of), I tend to scream, shout and cry (eventually I get so distressed that I start hitting my head or pulling out my hair). I have hurt myself quite badly in the past because I'm trying to use pain to get rid of the agitation.

Usually I would go for a walk because being in the house makes it worse, I feel like a caged animal. I guess because that wasn't an option yesterday, I went out in the garden and started throwing things from the shed.

I've been trying techniques that have been suggested like taking diazapam, getting an ice pack or a fan, exercising and taking myself away.

I ask my wife to help me calm down but she gets upset by the shouting and doesn't react very well which causes things to spiral. We talk a lot after the incidents about what we can do differently but it's taking a while to put into practice.

I guess a positive is that the episodes are getting quicker to resolve themselves but it's still horrible in the meantime. I hate it. It's like I 'm stood watching my body behave in this awful way and I can't stop it which is why I ask my wife to help me.

I had another episode last night which just ended up with my curled up on the bedroom floor sobbing for ages.

It just all feels too much and I don't know what to do. I dread waking up in the mornings. It's never ending and it hurts so much.

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Old 04-11-2020, 01:17 PM   #54
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Oh yes that makes sense! I think asking makes perfect sense. I hope you can get her something nice.

I think you're right that it sounds like you're pretty aware of what occurs and some ways to try to stop it and that is a good thing, just unfortunately it might take a while to work. Are you still in contact with any of your treatment providers? If so could you ask them for any advice or suggestions?

Thinking of you.



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Old 05-11-2020, 01:18 PM   #55
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Thank you for replying.

I spoke about it with my counsellor yesterday and she said that one of the issues is that I tend to tell people when I feel things are building up but saying things like 'I feel trapped' or 'I'm feeling really overwhelmed' but because I say it in such a calm and level manner it is easy for what I'm saying to be overlooked until it gets to boiling point which makes a lot of sense to me.
She was saying that I (and the people around me) need to get better at listening to the words I'm saying and acting upon it earlier rather than putting the emphasis on my tone. She used the analogy of the swan, looking like they are gliding along with ease but frantically paddling under the water.

My counsellor (private) and my GP are the only people involved in my mental health care at the moment but they are in the process of requesting funding to be assessed by Beacon House, an adult trauma clinic.

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Old 05-11-2020, 03:27 PM   #56
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Oh yes that does make sense. Do you think that is something your partner might be able to help figure out ways to work on identifying? Like what listening to you in that moment would be like and what they could do then to help?



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Old 15-11-2020, 12:27 AM   #57
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That sounds like you have a good idea what causes your meltdowns and also have a plan to reduce them/make them less stressful. I honestly think you and your wife are doing really well communicating about things and trying to figure them out. :)

How are things?



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Old 16-11-2020, 06:48 PM   #58
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I'm so anxious. I really want to self-harm.

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Old 16-11-2020, 09:03 PM   #59
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Does anything in particular make you anxious?
Have you tried any non damaging ways of dealing with the anxiety?



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Old 17-11-2020, 03:22 PM   #60
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Struggling to put my thoughts into words.
The dark is creeping in. I hate this feeling.

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