Friend falling for scam.

[Reminiscer]

A friend of mine is falling for a scam and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. Over the past few months she has grown increasingly obsessed with BTS, a K-Pop band. Recently, she has started talking to someone on an app called hang out and someone has claimed to be one of the band members. Despite strong evidence to the contrary, she still believes it is him. She is going to send him 1,500 dollars to fly him to Pittsburgh to meet up with him. These members are billionaires who can fly themselves on charter planes. She truly believes that it is just management telling them that she needs to pay 1,500 to fly them out and that it's a good chance it's truly a BTS member that she feels may be in a relationship with. They are all single and I've even proven that but she thinks that it's possible that they really can date.

The first two times she tried talking to him, her family caught her and explained to her that it was a scam and gave her so much evidence that it is not actually a member of BTS. She will go along with it, even seeming to believe them for a bit, only to go back and believing she is talking to an actual member. Any time I try to talk her out of it, she gets mad at me and says that she is almost 28 and can make her own decisions. I totally get that but I wish she would realize just how bad of an idea this is and how wrong this can go. If she messes up then oh well. It's really frustrating that she is so desperate to go through with this that she seems to not even care about the consequences.

The thing is, she is going the wrong way about it, and since she lives alone, this is a move that will definitely cause her to be forced out of her duplex and moved down to Atlanta with her parents. I don't want her to throw all of it away since making this move would prove to her parents that she's untrustworthy, but at the same time, I can't force her to not make this decision. These people have enough money to fly themselves. She said that management won't let them fly themselves out and that's why they need 1,500. While that could be true, a scammer would find that out and be able to say that. Scammers are usually very smart, I almost fell for one on Facebook but quickly caught on. They know what they're doing. I've proven that BTS only communicates through Weverse and that's even rare. They don't talk to fans through any other app, yet she doesn't get that.

If she goes through with it, then she goes through with it. It makes me think, even more so than before, that she has other issues besides ADHD. Most likely depression or something else. She says she can make rational decisions on her own, but this decision doesn't seem rational. She also recognizes that this could blow up in her face again but strongly feels, due to the things he has said to her, that it is a BTS member. She doesn't realize that there is so much evidence that has been proven otherwise. BTS only interacts in public settings. They don't talk to fans through email or a messaging app that can not be detected. The person won't even send a photo to prove who he is, stating management won't allow it. She has sent him a photo of her license to prove who she is. Her parents know that and tried to talk her out of it, but to no avail. She is keeping all this private now, stating that she's doing it.

The iPhone app, Hangouts, is literally a app where you can message anyone in the world. Essentially text messaging but to the public. And any thing that is said, even scams that take place, can't be tracked. She barely has enough money to pay her own bills, yet she still wants to go through with it. Again, I understand she wants to make her own decisions, but at the same time, it is almost as if she doesn't care that she could potentially throw away any freedom she has gained. I even told her that making this decision will definitely land her in Atlanta and that it will prove to her parents that she can't be on her own. It could also put her safety at risk too.

I've even said that she will be in Atlanta wishing she hadn't made the decision, knowing that she could still be in Pittsburgh on her own had she not sent the money to fly someone out here. Still, it doesn't do any good. She just gets extremely mad at me and claims that she needs to do it. As much as I want to stop her, I can't force her to stop. If she really wants to make the decision and most likely have her moved, then that's most likely what will happen. She just refuses to hear it, saying that she has to find out on her own. I've even provided evidence that states BTS doesn't even let people know they travel and doesn't like it when people approach them or find their personal contact information.

It is so frustrating that she would fall for a scam. She's gotten hurt by this guy before too, saying rude stuff to her anytime she questioned her in the past. At first she was upset, but now claims that he, who she thinks is a BTS member, just has some anger issues and that he didn't mean it. That's just excuses. No one will say horrible things to you, saying you're worthless or other stuff like that, if they truly cared about you. Even out of anger. I wish she would realize that, and she does with anything else. Just with this, she is willing to take the risk. She has claimed to be lonely to her parents in the past, but then reversed her decision and says that she really isn't all the time. I think she's just trying to hide it.

I know there is nothing more I can do and technically she is in charge of her own life. I'll still go to the airport with her for safety reasons, but she is still making a bad decision. Either the person will bail out after the money is sent like most scammers do, or someone will actually show up and turn out to be a creep. I've told her tha but she is still wanting to do it. She is so delusional and it makes me think that there is way more wrong with her than I realize. I've emotionally started to distance myself, preparing for her to not be around anymore. I believe she has depression and just doesn't want to come to terms with it and she's doing this to not feel lonely and also potentially for attention. I'm torn between letting her find out for herself, and telling her parents which would result in her getting extremely mad at me. I think this may be an act of rebellion too.

[nonperson]

Get this person's username for the app, report them on the app. Get the person's phone number from your friend and report it to the police for catfishing/fraud.

[Auror.]

I guess I don't understand why her spending money on this would force her to lose her apartment and move back in with her parents. But if you've made your concerns known, then it's up to her to make her own choices. If she's 28, I don't think you should tell her parents. I think you need to respect her boundaries and ability to make choices, even if you don't necessarily agree with them. She's allowed to spend her money however she choses, and if she knows the potential risks and consequences (it sounds like from what you are describing that she does), then it's her choice to make.

Maybe you can just discuss with her a safety plan or ways to check in throughout the trip, so that if anything does go wrong she can still be safe and won't be stranded in Atlanta. That said, Atlanta is a pretty big city, so it should be fairly easy to find a hotel room or airbnb if she needs last minute.

This isn't me saying the situation sounds okay. This is more just saying that people have the right to make bad decisions, and you can't always stop them. You can't force someone to end a bad relationship. They have to see and learn for themselves, which can really suck when you care about someone. So all you can really do is be there to support them through it, good or bad.