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Old 28-02-2020, 01:00 PM   #1
blackwolves
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Tired of living on nothing

I'm in my mid 30's and pretty badly screwed. Bad things and bad luck keep happening and I don't know what to make of myself.

I live in a rural area where transport is difficult and work has become increasingly harder to procure. Living here really stinks - I know literally no one here. There is nothing to do and jobs are scarce. I only came here for a job a few years ago and they laid everyone off the following year.

Since then I've been stuck here and can't seem to stay in work. Each job goes from bad to worse. All I can seem to find is the most bottom entry level work and can't seem to find a stable or long term job let alone one that wants to train me or progress me in anything. I'm not stupid or lazy, so I don't get why I can't find anything more.

I have tried education multiple times but discovered that the colleges here are surprisingly poor and keep letting me down. I can't afford to finish my degree anymore and don't know where to turn to in order to get reliable training.

Over the years I have cleared my debts and built some savings. But my work situation over the last 6 months has been unstable. I left the job because it was amazingly stressful - everyone in my previous job walked out or got fired. So I'm losing money fast.

I don't know what to do with myself apart from drink. Living has been so difficult. I haven't had anything like the kind of help my schoolfriends or old acquaintances seem to have got and surviving has been horrible. I don't count myself as a victim but I am simply not getting a chance at building a life even if I knew what I wanted.

Coming up with solutions seems impossible. Returning to education feels impractical because it is so hit and miss. Holding down another entry level job is so unbelievably frustrating to the point in which I cannot bear the lack of responsibility. Building relationships is incredibly hard because I'm so disadvantaged. I have hardly anything put together and I am approaching 40, it is so embarrassing.

I don't have any friends. My family broke down and I've made the choice to detach from them. I keep becoming mentally withdrawn and turning to heavy drinking which is pretty much the only thing left in life that I enjoy.

My current solution to all this is getting a job in another town and moving away. Renting here is becoming too expensive anyway. I can't afford to live here long term anymore, not without being able to enter a profession at least. I can't think of anything else.

I don't WANT this though. I want to be able to make it through life without moving around so much. This isn't about getting a fresh start, it's about GETTING a start. There's been SO LITTLE help or opportunity out here and I don't intend to spend the rest of my 30's aging in isolation.

And very few people want to take someone on willing to relocate. So far I have applied to over 100 jobs this week. This year alone, over 300. All I can get so far was a basic desk job which paid slightly above minimum wage for 2 and a half weeks. I'm a hard worker and that's not fair and I need better than that if I'm ever going to make anything of myself.

Also I've woken up this morning to find slashes on my arm after drinking. And I legitimately hate myself and my situation because I am so powerless. No access to jobs, or relationships, or education - how are you supposed to thrive and live like this. I've been responsible and taken my knocks through life, why is this happening to me.

What I need is real help out here. I can't survive on this, this isn't enough. Or maybe there is nothing left for me to do apart from drink every day. I can find virtually zero expectation from others for me to perform or do anything with myself. I need help or guidance from someone. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing out here alone.

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Old 29-02-2020, 10:46 PM   #2
~JellyBaby~
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: UK
I am currently:

Sorry you're having such a hard time, it sounds like such a difficult situation to be in. Finance difficulties and lack of opportunity can be soul destroying.

Though it feels like you have none, there are other options than just sitting back and drinking it all away. Unfortunately all we get sometimes are 'least worst' options as opposed to best ones. That said, even choosing between least worst options is hard work when theres lots of them - simplify things as much as you can.

Take a hard look at the savings you have left. They're going whether you spend them living where you are or living somewhere else - without a job they're going to get spent.

So which is your least worst option? Stay where you are and get a job or go somewhere else and get a job? Or go stay/go somewhere for College?

I appreciate its a risk, but its a risk wherever you go and its riskier sitting still. If companies aren't keen on relocaters then consider taking a chance on moving somewhere with cheaper rent and/or better opportunities. Or taking a chance on going back to College.

I totally get why its overwhelming and it sounds like you haven't had an easy start, but you've got a long life to live, and the sooner you make a decision and throw yourself into it the better a chance you'll have of making it what you want to.

You deserve a job, an education, friends. You deserve a life you enjoy.

What do you want out of life? Where do you want to live? What job would you like? What small steps can you take to get there?

Every journey starts with a single footstep. What does your first one need to be?

I'm here to bounce ideas off or just to talk if you need - good luck!

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Old 02-03-2020, 05:39 PM   #3
blackwolves
 
Join Date: Sep 2015

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~JellyBaby~ View Post
Sorry you're having such a hard time, it sounds like such a difficult situation to be in. Finance difficulties and lack of opportunity can be soul destroying.

Though it feels like you have none, there are other options than just sitting back and drinking it all away. Unfortunately all we get sometimes are 'least worst' options as opposed to best ones. That said, even choosing between least worst options is hard work when theres lots of them - simplify things as much as you can.

Take a hard look at the savings you have left. They're going whether you spend them living where you are or living somewhere else - without a job they're going to get spent.

So which is your least worst option? Stay where you are and get a job or go somewhere else and get a job? Or go stay/go somewhere for College?

I appreciate its a risk, but its a risk wherever you go and its riskier sitting still. If companies aren't keen on relocaters then consider taking a chance on moving somewhere with cheaper rent and/or better opportunities. Or taking a chance on going back to College.

I totally get why its overwhelming and it sounds like you haven't had an easy start, but you've got a long life to live, and the sooner you make a decision and throw yourself into it the better a chance you'll have of making it what you want to.

You deserve a job, an education, friends. You deserve a life you enjoy.

What do you want out of life? Where do you want to live? What job would you like? What small steps can you take to get there?

Every journey starts with a single footstep. What does your first one need to be?

I'm here to bounce ideas off or just to talk if you need - good luck!
The whole idea was that this was supposed to be soul-freeing and to get rid of the things that were keeping me down. Without any coherent objective or leads though I'm totally lost. The only idea I ever had was teaching myself some software programs and getting into an industry but I've hit a snag with teaching myself these.

My least worst option is definitely moving somewhere where rents are cheaper and transport is more accessible. It would also be good to get more access to social groups and colleges. So I'm definitely decided in moving away to a more urban area. The hard part now is trying to get work there. In the last 7 days I've sent nearly 200 applications. And every time someone calls me I have to sell myself as serious about relocation.

I've learned that I am a very poor decision maker. Deciding on what I want is a skill and I'm terrible at it. I don't have background knowledge of the industries I want/wanted to work in. I'm also irresponsible. If anything all I've done in life is throw myself at things to see what happens and that has not worked out.

What I do understand is that if I'm ever going to have a future I'm going to need to invent one myself. Somehow I need to put everything together and build a clear picture of my life grounded in reality instead of trying risky and random things all the time. It's up to me to train myself something that will get me steady work. Without that I'm going to be poor forever and I don't want that.

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