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Old 08-11-2024, 08:05 PM   #1101
long road
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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Unfortunately don't see him in person much. Last night I so wanted to give him a hug and was sad I couldnt. He visits UK once or twice a year and will stay with me for 3 - 4 days during that visit. I used to fly out to visit him once a year as well but havent been able to since 2019 as first there was pandemic and now FND and asthma means flying/travelling isn't currently feasible. We do video chat every 2-4 weeks though for an hour to two hours plus ad-hoc messaging in between (I get sent many cute dog photos!).

Even though therapy itself might be scary / session could have consequences it feels a positive thing. Though this last week have been rough between feeling vulnerable and the knock on impact on FND. I am learning things about myself and getting more in touch with my emotions. Have also noticed an increase in motivation and a reduction in non epileptic seizures. Still early days but therapist feels like a safe person and a knowledgeable person. Therapist also said that while we need to take our time to build a safe place before doing EDMR she does think I seem ready for therapy.




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Old 09-11-2024, 01:54 PM   #1102
one_step_closer
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I'm glad you found a therapist that you feel comfortable with. That is the basic thing needed for a good therapeutic relationship and getting some good work done.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 12-11-2024, 12:28 AM   #1103
long road
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Indeed it's a good therapeutic relationship.

Therapy today was less destabilising although still had an impact. But grounding etc.is helping more than it was last week not quite as scared / maybe expressed the scared more during the session? I am glad I feel safe being vulnerable around her as some moments today felt very vulnerable when I was scared and being scared made me feel younger which made me feel more scared.

Progress but therapy isn't easy for sure.


Last edited by long road : 12-11-2024 at 12:43 AM.



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Old 12-11-2024, 12:07 PM   #1104
one_step_closer
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You're doing great exploring things and doing your best to manage the feelings that brings up. Keep going. I'm glad you're not just as distressed after this session.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 18-11-2024, 05:55 PM   #1105
long road
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Struggling. Not sure how to put it into words but I just want it all to stop. The pain, the voices, the memories/flashbacks. Very overwhelmed right now.

Last night was really rough and I ended up harming. Therapy today help settle me a bit but still struggling under some extra stress due to health stuff. Therapist said to work hard at grounding. But I am scared to be in the present because pain is so bad.




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Old 19-11-2024, 12:57 PM   #1106
one_step_closer
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I'm so sorry everything is so huge and overwhelming. You do have a lot going on so it's understandable to feel this way. Did you look after your self harm? How are things today?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 19-11-2024, 02:05 PM   #1107
long road
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Yeah self harm is fine nothing serious. Had a LOT of seizures last night. I only remember one of them but partner says I had at least 3.

Mentally I don't really know how I am. Kind of numb so far today. Still have thoughts pretty bad.




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Old 19-11-2024, 07:30 PM   #1108
one_step_closer
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What kind of thoughts?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 19-11-2024, 08:20 PM   #1109
long road
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The standard self harm kind of thoughts. With occassional voices telling me to harm in specific ways. And the odd thought of suicide.




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Old 20-11-2024, 01:52 PM   #1110
one_step_closer
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Those are hard to deal with I know, but remember thoughts don't have to equal actions.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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