Contamination

[Pomegranate]

He mentioned the clozapine injection didn’t he? It is a thing but not licensed in the UK I believe, so would be off label but worth asking. Other thing is if you’re not eating the meds won’t work as well, which you know x

I think asking what they think the long term plan should be is really important. You’re on a community TREATMENT order.... and I know you’ve been recalled but a S3 is a treatment section so it’s very reasonable to ask about that treatment.

If they’re thinking DBT might be helpful, maybe ask why and if that’s their aim from this admission. I would guess their theory would be helping you to manage the impulsive self harm/ligatures around contamination etc but you can’t have that discussion unless you raise it with them and they’re more likely to listen to your preferences and thoughts if you do that proactively, I know it’s not easy though.

[Cacoethes]

Yes he did. I wish it was licensed. It's the only thing that's consistently helped.
I know, it's just really hard to eat at the moment.

I will ask in ward round.
I am annoyed that they say I'm unwell but have done literally nothing in all the time I've been here.

That's true. I just really never got on with DBT and I really don't want to try it again. I've done 2 full courses of it and it really didn't help. Just frustrated me.
But I'll say that in ward round I hope

[Lauren93]

You say that you’re not unwell and haven’t done anything while you’ve been in hospital but you’ve also had multiple incidents and had to go to A&E?

It sounds like you need a lot more support than you’re currently getting as you haven’t been coping while at home and the Therapeutic Community could be a really good opportunity to get you back living independently.

[Cacoethes]

I meant they haven't done anything.

I had ward round.
I'm still not allowed leave and still not allowed in my room during the day.
I asked about the place they wanted me to go to and it's way too far away and it's an inpatient unit. So that's not happening. It also focuses on dbt which I do not find helpful.
My depot has been increased by quite a lot.
Apparently I have a 'treatment resistant schizophrenic illness' which is depressing.

I feel hopeless

[one_step_closer]

The phrase 'treatment resistant' doesn't mean you can't eventually squash that label. It's not all about meds and there could be something out there that really helps. Maybe the increase in your depot will be useful. I have been called treatment resistant before and I get your feelings of hopelessness but it's just an add on label *at this moment*, it doesn't mean you'll always be stuck like this. I think you need to try your best on your side to not do doing risky things, that would be progress that you can control, even if you're doing it because of voices.

I'm not sure if I've explained anything right here, apologies. Just please don't give up hope.

[Cacoethes]

Thanks lindsay
I hope the increase in the depot helps.
How soon do you think it would start to work after having it?
I'm going to try really hard not to do anything risky again.
I don't want to accidentally die.

[one_step_closer]

I'm not sure when you'd know if the increase was working. Can you ask a nurse? I hope you can tolerate the wait and that it works pretty soon and is helpful. Please try hard to not to do any more risky things, none of us want you to accidentally die either. You are a valuable person, the voices are not.

[Cacoethes]

Thanks lindsay <3

I'll ask a nurse. Tuesday seems like a long time to wait.
I ate earlier and feel really bad about it.
Trying not to do anything silly

[tamobhuuta]

Can you go to staff and tell them?

[Cacoethes]

I told a nurse. She said she’d talk to me after checks.
That was ages ago
Might just ask for prn

[tamobhuuta]

PRN can be good :) and is definitely better than an incident.

[Cacoethes]

That’s true.
I had prn and spoke to someone else about what’s going on.
I hope I can stay safe now.

[tamobhuuta]

Well done, that was really brave.

[Cacoethes]

Thanks tamo <3

[one_step_closer]

Well done Beckie. Keep those helpful things in mind if you feel desperate again. People and PRN are there for you so use them.

How are you today?

[Cacoethes]

Thanks lindsay

I'm ok
Just annoyed about being kicked out of my.room
I don't like being out of my room
It's only because they can't be bothered to do the intermittent checks.
But other than that I'm feeling better than I was the other day. I think the depot has properly taken effect and calmed me down.
The voices are still talking about the contamination though which is distressing

[one_step_closer]

Is there a quiet room you can go to? Or just ignore everyone and watch something on your iPad (or whatever device you have). Do you know when you'll be allowed back in your room? Would you be ok in your room? I'm really glad you're feeling better, I hope that will allow you to deal with the voices better. You can do this.

[Cacoethes]

I’m not allowed in the quiet room either. Just the lounge near the office.
Luckily the tv is off in here at the moment though
I still don’t like being out here

I have been watching stuff on my iPad. Don’t know what I’d do without it
Apparently if I’m ok over the weekend then they’ll review it on Monday.
I think I’d be ok in my room. I’m just not used to being around people all the time.

Thanks Lindsay

[one_step_closer]

Being stuck in a place with people around all the time can be overwhelming, I understand. It must be hard not to have a quiet place to retreat to. I hope you have safe weekend and can get back into your room on Monday. Watching anything good on your iPad?

[Cacoethes]

Thank you <3

I'm still watching criminal minds.
I find it helpful to watch things I've watched before

The ward is quite unsettled at the moment which is stressful