im really desperate!!!!!! i actully emailed my therapist i dont know if it would work or not!!!!!
The following content has been hidden - Reason : the email
My online friend CR wont talk to me anyone (I think shes busy and stuff like that) …........... and I tried asking my friend monci today at the dayhab and he said that he doesn’t have any because he said that he doesn’t mess with that stuff……………… you’re the only one who I can ask!!!!!!!!! Can you get me a ***** ( I will give you all of my money (36.00 $) after you give me it I PROMISE!!!! it should be more then enough money to pay for it!!)
i managed to save my friendship with my friend from the dayhab
just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
I am not sure what you're asking your therapist to buy but if it's anything that you want that you could harm yourself with then no she won't buy it. It would be seen as encouraging you if she were to buy it and a therapist is supposed to equip you with tools to deal with emotions another way/minimise harm to yourself. In addition any kind of professional is not allowed to accept money (whether it be a gift or in return for goods bought) from their clients as it could be seen as financial exploitation.
I am glad you have sorted out the situation with your friend.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
The following content has been hidden - Reason : ...............................
i dont derseve monci as a friend he is super sweet and nice and kind and understanding truely i can go on forever about how good of aperson that he is but i feel so worthless and guilty being his friend because i know i can never deserve him im think about ending my friendship with him i really dont derseve him at all i derseve no one because i am nothing..
Last edited by Darkwings44 : 25-06-2021 at 12:04 AM.
Reason: added more info
just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
The following content has been hidden - Reason : might be triggering......
yesterday i gave a letter to my friend monci (long letter short) saying that i really didnt deserve him as a friend and that i hoped he understood....... then i saw his reaction and he looked like a mix of anger and sad he didnt say anything and i felt alot of self hate and worthlessness and i went to the restroom and cutted myself and he came into the room (i guess to clean it or get something i dont really know) and i really dont know if he saw me because i was in the stall with the door closed and he didnt do anything or say anything about it...... but after that he talked to me and said he read my letter but things felt different from the time before i went to the restroom it was like we were friends again.... he even called me his home girl (which means im his friend)...........
i really feel like like he shouldnt care a damn about me I DONT DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 07-07-2021 at 09:31 PM.
Reason: please see your PMs
just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
this mouring me and the staff had mutipule argements and then my therpist visted me today at the dayhab and it went from "are you upset?" to "show me your arms" and then finellly to "hand over the razor." (which i didnt have anyway!!!!) needless to say my day and vist with the therapist was fucking shit!!!!!!
just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
i feel like hopeless and fuckin depressed!!! all these fuckin thoughts are so heavy and dark!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant stand it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
im kind of planning on moving to Pennsylvania (so i will be far away from my cousins and their friends as a last non dying effort to keep them from bothering me!!!) by taking the bus and by the end of august and also im in the process of finding a apartment there.. but i cant find one that fits my needs (where most of everything walking distance because i cant drive and other stuff i need..)
Last edited by Darkwings44 : 08-07-2021 at 02:11 AM.
Reason: added more info
just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
Pennsylvania is a pretty big state with many cities and types of living. Have you considered where in the state you want to live, what type of job you would have, cost of living differences there, accounting for weather there, how all of that would fit into a budget, how you are going to handle living independently, and so on? I'm not saying moving somewhere different isn't a good goal to have, but planning an across the country move, at least in my experience, isn't something that can be done in a month. I have friends who have done it, but it's been a months long process of planning, saving money up, and so many other things.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
How are you gonna pay rent for your apartment? I am guessing that you're on some kind of welfare so you have to think practically about how you're gonna sort out the payment to the owner of the apartment. Idk how welfare works there but here the payment to the owner isn't immediate for those on welfare and it takes an month before any payment is made. You might need to cover the cost of the first month of rent payment out of your own pocket before welfare kicks in so you gotta budget for that as well as daily living expenses. Additionally does the apartment owner accept people on welfare living there? Even if you plan to get a job once you move you might need the backup of welfare for the short term. Do you know where to get help filling in welfare application forms? Plus like Camden said there's other stuff to take into consideration.
I get that you're keen to move out. Also you might wanna do some research into other states. You might find that another state fits your requirements better.
Last edited by not_so_insig : 08-07-2021 at 09:09 PM.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
actully i thought and talked it through with my mom and my therpist (seperate times though) and im not moving to Pennsylvania........... im sorry.........
just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
Additionally they might be checking to see if it needs medical attention. I know that I have had professionals check my SI before and one of their main reasons is to see if it is infected etc. However I can see how you might be annoyed with it.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
I think the unfortunate thing to remember is that self harming DOES have consequences, and body checks are one of those consequences. Do they suck, yes. But professionals doing their duty to make sure you don't have any wounds that are infected or need medical attention is something that has to occur. Especially if you aren't willing to talk about it or take any steps to work on reducing the self harm. Again, not saying you need to stop because it is your choice and you've said before that you aren't ready. But you do have to understand that if you choose to continue to self harm, you are going to have to continue to deal with the consequences and repercussions that come from it.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Curveball
