Support for Cacoethes (Beckie)

[one_step_closer]

You deserve to have something you like in amongst all this. I know it's still hard though.

[Cacoethes]

Yeah that's pretty much it jen
Maybe end up having another
#cheesegate XD

Thanks lindsay

I got some boiled sweets from the shop.
The range was limited. And oddly enough, for a hospital, basically no sugar free ones!
But got some fruit glacier ones which i used to like. Hopefully they will help.

[Elmer]

I think that being scared of your favourite foods is actually really understandable from an ED point of view, but I hope you managed to enjoy at least some of it, and well done for getting the sweets, fingers crossed they help :)

That PLS lady can get in the bin. I hate it when they treat people in crisis like they're throwing a tantrum. Get her to live in your brain for a day and then see how she feels. Ugh.

[Cacoethes]

I did pretty well with it considering, i think.
Thank you :)

I was going to get something for my mid afternoon snack but the hospital shop is, rather oddly, very unhealthy! I guess they think that ill people need treats. Which they do! Well, everyone deserves treats

Yup. I believe they have paperwork with the old EUPD dx so that would explain that. These people and their assumptions and stereotypes. Probably why the PLS dr was convinced this whole thing was self harm

The nurse doing the feed after lunch said she kind of understands, her daughter had a similar issue. She distracts me with random chatting when she does the feed, it really helps. I hope she's in my bay tomorrow.

[tamobhuuta]

Elmer has put politely what I was thinking about the pls person.

I hope the sweets help. Good luck with the next meal. You're strong, you can do this! Even if 'this' is accepting the tube for the moment.

[Cacoethes]

Thank you tamo :)

[Auror.]

honestly tho- when we were in ed treatment there were absolutely times where we (and others) refused to eat because it was the only thing we could "control" and had no other way to express being upset/mad. so in that moment it was about emotions instead of being hard to eat.

so like. does it sound like they were a dick about how they asked it and what they said? probably. and not discounting that. that was dumb of them and not their place.

but also it can v much be a thing where not eating can be a way of expressing other stuff, and sometimes being able to tell if that's what is occurring vs it legit being hard can be useful to know at least for yourself. if they arent helping with mental health side of it probably none of their business. so not right to ask. but it's not entirely unheard of either.

when we were in ed treatment and we did not complete a meal we had to fill out sheets explaining why we did not eat and there were questions asking stuff like that. stuff like that would be real helpful to tell dietician human or other ed treatment humans though if it does come up (like if it is something other than food being hard) and they ask.

hope that made some sense

[Cacoethes]

That does make a lot of sense actually Camden, thank you for explaining
I will make sure to mention it to dietician and people on Monday, if i remember

[one_step_closer]

Can you get access to a pen and paper to write things down so you don't forget them? How are you doing today?

[Cacoethes]

I can try!

[Cacoethes]

So things seem mostly positive.
PLS consultant says i seem like a different person (in a good way!)
She actually doesn't see a reason why i should be on section, still isn't taking it off for some reason, but i didn't expect her to.
She said they could get rid of the rmn, but it would mean I'd need to find a HCA to take me outside and when do they ever have the time for that?
Dietician is reviewing the meal plan now and they're gonna make a decision on what to do about meal plan and tube. So fingers crossed!
But because of the strikes, PLS consultant won't be back until Thursday.
But things are looking ok i think? There's been absolutely no mention of psych ward or anything. She was just saying to engage with the ED team, which I was.
I will remain cautiously optimistic that i will get out this week.

They did say I can't go back to taekwondo yet....but it's mostly not THAT physical. Unless we're doing fitness, which isn't often and i can just opt out of that.

Dietician has come back.
Now only on feeds if i don't complete meal plan. Stepping up to the next level from tomorrow. Looking at getting tube out on Thursday if things are going well.

So better than i expected!

[Elmer]

That does all sound positive, and well done for everything you've managed food wise - I know it's been so scary.

I don't know if this will make things feel better regarding the increased meal plan, but by the sounds of it it's the same amount of nutrition you're prescribed at the moment, just instead of supplements through the tube you'll be eating it by mouth.

I'm not going to comment on the taekwondo situation either way because I know that it's something important to you but maybe a break in the short term would be good for your ability to continue long term? Ohwait I guess I did comment l just can't help myself apparently

Anyway. I'm really glad things are better than they were. You can do this.

[Cacoethes]

Thank you Lio :)

It is a bit more nutrition than now, even with the supplements.
Not that much, but it feels like a massive amount.
It all feels very unfair tbh. But it's probably not.

I'm going to struggle with the hot meal at lunch. Sandwiches aren't an option. Hot meals have always been difficult. It's slightly easier during the week because you can choose what to have though

The next grading isn't until December. And as I was meant to grade the other week and am obviously ready, I don't need to train asap. I probably could do with a break.
The only thing I'd struggle with is eating while being pretty much sedentary. Like I have been. It's like i can feel myself expanding by the second. Which is not a thing.

[Elmer]

You got this.

I think that's a sensible way to look at taekwondo, hopefully you can remind yourself of it. I know that taekwondo is about more than exercise to you, which might be a good enough reason to take a break, if that makes any sense at all?

[Cacoethes]

Thank you Lio

I have a problem
The dietician has not updated the plan. So i still had to have the tube feed this morning.
I tried to say what had happened and if she could please just call the dietician or if i could just have it later when the dietician had a chance to come up. But it was non negotiable. Apparently there are only 2 dieticians for the entire hospital.
So I'm really struggling.
I can't be doing the increased meal plan if i still have to have the feeds.
Idek if the dieticians are coming round today.

Yes Lio, that really does make sense.

I didn't have an rmn until about 30 mins ago.
Apparently PLS came round this morning and said i didn't need one, but i had to go out with a HCA still. But then a random rmn turned up so idk what's going on

[Elmer]

Sounds like today has been very difficult. I hope you're doing OK.

[Cacoethes]

Thanks Lio

It was.
Took about 4 hours to actually eat my dinner. But i did it.
Today is going to be hard too
I hate not knowing my weight, but this time, i would have rather not known

[Elmer]

So so well done for eating dinner!

I hope that today is going as well as it can, I know it must be so hard. Eating is the right thing to do. Every day, multiple times a day. Honestly.

And the scales can fuck off. If they need to weigh you again would you feel able to ask to not know the number?

[one_step_closer]

Well done for persevering with dinner, that must have been so hard and I am really proud of you. I hope it gets easier with time. I hope that today isn't as difficult as you expect it to be. You can do this.

[Cacoethes]

Thank you both! <3

Today has been ok so far.
I have no 1:1 but have been down for my coffee with a student
The nurse said to remind her about my mid morning snack but it's gonna be hard to do that
It's kind of unfair that i need to have snacks anyway.
No one apart from toddlers have planned snack times.


I'm not supposed to know my weight
She just said it before i could say anything
I always want to know but i wish i didn't this time
I'll talk to the dietician about it. She said she'd be seeing me today

Just today to go, then tomorrow hopefully i can plead my case for going home tomorrow or Friday. I have a weekend away planned with L. Going to see my nanny. I haven't seen her since December. Hard to make the time for the journey. So I'll be with L all weekend, who absolutely is not going to let me not eat. And after that I'll see anyone they want me to see. I'll see crisis, I'll go to my gp every day, I'll see the ED team every week, I'll literally do ANYTHING to go home!
The consultant has been fairly reasonable recently.
And i even ordered my porridge! Should come on Tuesday. Even if I'm not home, they can put it in my cupboard until i get back. But i wouldn't spend ?33 on a massive bag of protein porridge if i didn't plan on eating it! So hopefully a good sign.