help with disorder

Darkwings44 · 11-12-2020, 11:47 PM

i live in a group home with 3 people with autism spectrum disorder and one of the people MJ in my group home just finshed screaming and being upset for no reason (because of food which is uselly the reason she would be like this) (yesterday she took a paper that belonged to someone esle MT who is also austsic and who cant speak and the staff dealt whith her and she actully thew a fit and picked up a staff and got in troble) and im like why is she upset and stuff just because she didnt get to eat what she had wanted because she got in troble yesterday she desided to act up…

and just now she was stabing the table with a fork!!!!
is there anything that can help her and the other people who have this disorder behave better then this?

Pomegranate · 12-12-2020, 12:00 AM

People are all different. I know this may seem trivial to you but for people with autism, or neuro differences these can be really huge things. A very very crude way of explaining it is like.....would you have hot sauce for dinner or would you react? To someone with autism or sensory issues, having to eat something they’re not comfortable with can trigger that kind of level of response. It’s not about behaviour or making someone do something, it’s about working with them to adapt and make things comfortable. Nobody wants to face the equivalent option of starving or eating hot sauce only. But that’s a vague comparison of the sensory dilemma that person might feel.

Perhaps you could talk to the staff about it if it’s stressing you? That’s what they’re there for after all.

Auror. · 12-12-2020, 12:28 AM

Just to say I DO have autism spectrum disorder. So do other RYL members. So maybe having a little bit of compassion for things you don't understand or experience yourself could be beneficial. Would you like it if someone made a post like this about your diagnosis? Chances are probably not.

Auror. · 12-12-2020, 01:04 AM

Also just to say a lot of the things we find upsetting and the ways we react aren't always within our control. It'd be like blindfolding someone and putting their hand on a hot stove and telling them not to react. It's not possible.

Our brains don't work the same way everyone else's do, and it's not really a disorder from what I have been told. It's not even inherently a bad thing. It's just that our brains work differently, and are wired differently, and those in power are the neurotypical, dominant social class who make the labels to designate it a "disorder" because it's different from how they interact with the world.

Maybe you can ask the staff or, better yet, ask the other people themselves what they might find helpful instead of just judging them and assuming they're acting the way they do for "no reason."

Also just to say being non-verbal doesn't mean you can't communicate. I don't talk much of the time but I have plenty of alternative ways I can communicate. You could offer to email or chat with them online if that's an easier option for them, or even hand write things out.

Darkwings44 · 12-12-2020, 02:17 AM

oh i was just trying to understand people with autism

i dont think that will help MT because she doesnt know how to write or type stuff she knows a few signs but its very limted

Darkwings44 · 12-12-2020, 02:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Auror.

Just to say I DO have autism spectrum disorder. So do other RYL members. So maybe having a little bit of compassion for things you don't understand or experience yourself could be beneficial. Would you like it if someone made a post like this about your diagnosis? Chances are probably not.

ok

no..... i was just trying to help me understand why she was acting the way that she was acting and how to help her act better

Pomegranate · 12-12-2020, 02:40 AM

I imagine it must be very difficult for MT then if she can’t write or verbally communicate.....maybe think about how you’d feel if you were in you’re most extreme discomfort emotionally but then that you couldn’t type or voice how you were feeling darkwings? Having said that, it’s ok if you’re distressed by seeing their response or similar but staff will know that and I really think you need to start building communication with them too

Pomegranate · 12-12-2020, 02:43 AM

In terms of MT, it’s not about getting her to ‘act better’.....it’s down to the staff to work out how to communicate with her. It sounds like it’s stressing you but so are many things atm and tbh I think building your relationship with staff should be the priority

Auror. · 12-12-2020, 06:40 AM

If she knows a few signs, do you also know those signs? Maybe you can work on communicating with her in sign on occasion too, that way she knows someone else there is also trying to make the effort to open up and communicate with her.

as said it's not about acting better it's about the person learning how to cope with the things that are distressing in different ways. which isn't up to you. but you can talk to the staff about it or work on building a rapport with the other individuals on your own.

Auror. · 12-12-2020, 06:45 AM

For the most part, autistic people aren't acting wrong or behaving wrong, just as you likely aren't when you are upset about something. It's just that we often communicate or behave in ways that are different than others or different than the social norm. I may not be able to verbally explain when I am upset or having a meltdown, but if you know me well, you will know that there are other ways to tell or observe that I am not okay. I might fidget a lot more or I might put my hands over my ears or curl up in a ball. That can let someone else with me know that I am struggling even if I might not notice in the moment so they can help me figure out ways to calm down before things get worse.

If you are wanting to better understand someone, then you need to work on learning how to have compassion and empathy for those whose experiences are not the same as yours. That seems to be something you struggle with in general. Maybe that is something you can also talk to the staff and your therapist about too.

Also keep in mind that other autistic people exist in the world, on RYL and irl. So coming on a website and saying things in offensive ways (even if that isn't your intent) isn't really a great idea. Maybe you need to work on using search engines like google to look up some basic information when you're curious about something first. Or if that feels too overwhelming, ask the staff to help you find some information you can better understand.

Darkwings44 · 13-12-2020, 05:04 PM

ok i'll try
i sent this thread to my therpist and i tryed talking to the staff about it
thank you so much

Darkwings44 · 13-12-2020, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Auror.

If she knows a few signs, do you also know those signs? Maybe you can work on communicating with her in sign on occasion too, that way she knows someone else there is also trying to make the effort to open up and communicate with her.

as said it's not about acting better it's about the person learning how to cope with the things that are distressing in different ways. which isn't up to you. but you can talk to the staff about it or work on building a rapport with the other individuals on your own.

well the signs that she knows are all food......

MJ was the one acting badly not MT