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Old 23-05-2020, 02:40 AM   #141
Unbreakable.
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I would hope that she would understand that it's a manifestation of your illness and that you can't be expected to always manage to do the sensible thing and that sometimes it will get the better of you.

How did she react?
Did she have any advice or similar?




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Old 23-05-2020, 01:06 PM   #142
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^Agreed. I'm sure she has heard things like that lots of times, and worse. Did she arrange for more contact?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 23-05-2020, 07:53 PM   #143
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UShe was kind. Listened to me. Didnt dismiss me. Tried to make me see that in her opinion I am not bad things and that she holds hope for me.

She wants me to properly try compassion focused therapy.

I am seeing her on Friday.

I just urgh. I yeh. I'm so so fed up and I just dont see the point in life. I'm spending all day every day NOT SELF HARMING. And suffering.



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Old 23-05-2020, 11:47 PM   #144
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How do you feel about therapy?

I am glad she was understanding and kind.

I understand feeling hopeless, but maybe try and focus on how therapy/proper treatment would help you to move on from spending all your time and energy on not hurting yourself.

I believe in you & I have hope for you that things will get better.




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Old 24-05-2020, 03:39 PM   #145
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I dont think I will ever be able to do a therapy to be kind to myself. I am evil.

And I'm in a and e. And I'm pissed off. Been sent 3 different places and told to go elsewhere. And reception man told me to calm down. I'm not mad I just feel like pass the bloody parcel. I get theres a pandemic but a handwritten sign on a piece of A4 isnt asking a lot



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Old 24-05-2020, 03:57 PM   #146
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Love you Lillie, sorry I am shit at keeping in touch.
I hope they are good to you in A&E (after you get to the right place, must be so frustrating). Sounds like your CPN is good, but I know having good mental health staff doesn't always make things better immediately!
You do deserve a good life, you've worked so hard and I know things feel like they won't get better but I definitely believe in you and lots of people here do too.
Give Bertie a scritch from me when you get home, and remember lots of people love you.
<3



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Old 24-05-2020, 04:27 PM   #147
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Have they found a place that is suitable for what you need yet?





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Old 24-05-2020, 05:11 PM   #148
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Thanks lovely.

And thanks lindsay. Took them ages but I eventually got seen and now am put back together. Have a stupidly long wait for the bus.

Nurse was nice though.



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Old 24-05-2020, 06:26 PM   #149
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I'm glad the nurse was nice. Will you be ok tonight? Can you call your CPN or someone if you need some help?





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Old 24-05-2020, 06:27 PM   #150
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No one to call until tuesday.



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Old 24-05-2020, 08:54 PM   #151
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Want to take PRN. Cant cope with anything. Not really meant to mix MH PRN with other pain PRN. I dont know how to cope.



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Old 24-05-2020, 09:54 PM   #152
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Well done for getting seen even when it was frustrating and stressful.

Are you feeling any calmer by now?




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Old 24-05-2020, 10:33 PM   #153
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A bit now. I've done my bed time routine so hopefully will actually sleep for more than 4 hours.



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Old 24-05-2020, 11:45 PM   #154
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I hope you can sleep & that it helps.
Sleep deprivation tends to make things even harder than they already are.




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Old Yesterday, 11:32 AM   #155
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I hope you slept well and have a better day today. That must be complicated with the pain PRN and the MH PRN. I'm glad you managed to get to a calmer place, what helped do you know? Do you think it was getting on with your bed time routine? It's good to have a routine throughout the day but not so much that it puts too much pressure on you. I find making to do lists is good because I like to tick off things when I do them.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old Yesterday, 01:32 PM   #156
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I got about 4 hours sleep total. Was awful. Am knackered.

Been out for a long dog walk with dad and partner and we had a picnic. That helped. But now they are gone and I am lonely. And I have to go to the supermarket and I'm exhausted. I hate my body. I feel everyone would be better off if I was dead. I really truly do.



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Old Yesterday, 02:07 PM   #157
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I know I wouldn't be better off if you were gone.



with Christ I hang upon the cross

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Old Yesterday, 02:25 PM   #158
one_step_closer
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I'm sure your Dad and his partner wouldn't have went for a walk with you if they felt like they would be better off without you. No one would be better off without you, it's just a feeling that comes from a horrible mood. It's hard not being around people when you want to be and feeling that loneliness. Is there anyone else you can have contact with even just over the phone?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old Today, 09:43 AM   #159
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I need to do a specific self harm thing to keep people safe but I sont have time before I have to go to work which I'm anxious about



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Old Today, 10:06 AM   #160
one_step_closer
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Please try not to focus too much on what you think you need to do, I'm sure people will be safe without your intervention especially because it's a self harm thing. Is it not having enough time you're worried about or going to work or both?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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