Life feels scary

[Cacoethes]

I'm so sorry things are so bad for you
I wish I knew what to do to make things better
I do know though that it's not.true that everyone would be safer if you were dead. I know it feels very real though.
Why would hospital make things worse?

[[Luna]]

Going to hospital will just make it worse. They won't help and they'll call social services, who have literally just closed our case because they said we don't need their help. The voices will just be angrier.

I feel so low. I've been having a lot of meltdowns. I had to cut my hair because I pulled so much out.

I'm such a failure.

[[Luna]]

I can’t cope. Seem to be going into a self-destructive spiral and I’m too tired to stop it.
I don’t know what I want by posting this.
Maybe to have someone know how bad things are.
I miss my counsellor. She’s the only one that feels safe to talk to.
No one around me seems to understand how dark my head is right now.

[Pi.R^2]

I hear you. It sounds like things are awful at the moment and I'm sorry that you're struggling so badly.

I know that hospital feels like a displeasing option, but what are the alternatives right now- do you think you can stay safe?

[[Luna]]

Thank you so much for replying, it means so much to me.
I don’t know if I can keep safe.
Honestly, if it wasn’t for my little boy I would probably be hospitalised by now.
I don’t want to let him down. I don’t want to be apart from him at Christmas.
Why can’t I just stay well for him? I try so hard but it’s never enough

[Harbour]

You are enough and he loves you so much - the bond you have with him is incredible. Would it help to have crisis involvement over Xmas and the. Review the need for hospital after Xmas? It might help knowing there’s another route for support you can take?

[[Luna]]

I feel like I keep letting him down. He's at my mums at tje moment,
I've been very dissocated and distressed. Self harmed again but not enough.
My wife is here so can't o anything now.

[Harbour]

He loves his nana and the fact he’s there suggests the opposite - you’ve stepped up, realised you’re poorly and that he can have a fun time with her while you’re recovering.
is she off now for Christmas? Is her ringing crisis for you an option?

[Unbreakable.]

I agree that being able to make sure your son is taken care of makes you a Top Tier Parent. The little man is probably enjoying himself and feeling loved and well and knows his mum does whatever is best for him.

I second the suggestion of seeing crisis for short term support and reconsider hospital after the holidays.
You staying safe is more important than anything else.

I don't know what it is like to be in such a dark place and to struggle with the things you struggle with, but I hear you and I can tell you're hurting an awful lot.
And I love you and I believe in you <3

[[Luna]]

Thank you both.

I just need to focus on getting through the next day or two.
I just had a missed call from my GP but she said she would call on the 31st so I'll talk to her then.
The mental health services have let me down so many times, I don't want anything to do with them if I can help it.

[Darkwings44]

*hugs you* i care about you too <3

[Unbreakable.]

I can't blame you for not wanting to take the risk of trusting mh services when they have been so unhelpful and ridiculous.

Are you having plans for the holidays that will help you get through them alright ish?

Sending love to you & your family <3

[[Luna]]

Thank you <3
J is working tomorrow so I’m going to my mums with little one. Ive been using a lot of prn to get through at the moment, J has given my mum a supply and my mum offers it if she feels I’m struggling.
I feel so low, it’s painful to try and act okay but I want to put on a happy face for my son. He deserves a nice Christmas.

[Unbreakable.]

I get wanting to be okay for the little one, just wanted to say though that I think it might also be okay to show him that sometimes people aren't okay even on holidays etc? I hope that makes some sort of sense.

I am glad you'll be with family who will distract you and look after you.

[[Luna]]

The beginning of the day went so well but then it went downhill and I want to self-harm.I can;t stop crying

[Darkwings44]

*super hugs you and sends love to you* <3

[Unbreakable.]

I am sorry you're struggling so much.
I hope you managed to stay safe <3

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

Thinking of you. x

[[Luna]]

Thank you.
I feel painfully low.
Everything feels so exhausting
I’m struggling to concentrate. It hurts to breathe.
The world is ending. I’m sorry. It’s coming and it feels utterly hopeless.

[Unbreakable.]

As long as you're still breathing you're winning <3