Positive Post - How to fit back in to the 'real world'.

[UnanimousAnonymous]

Its been a long time since I was last here! An awful lot has happened over the past few years, including being sectioned and in hospital for two of those.

I have been home for 7 months now and I am 9 months SH free this month. The longest I have managed for many years. Things are ok, I am still trying to find my way in this 'normal, but not normal' real world.

I'm feeling a little lost, I'm not sure where I fit in now. I have lost many friends since I was admitted, lots have moved on as they have moved with the world and I 'left' and now 'I'm back'. I don't know what I want to do, how much I can handle. My CMHT was meant to support me but my care co is, well, to put it politely, she is rubbish. Even she admitted that she would be dangerous if she had a brain

I have lost a lot of confidence for many reasons. One is that my teeth really have given up now, after years of ED's and a dental phobia. I have actually booked a dentist appointment which is later this month. I know this is something I desperately need sorting before I can apply for jobs and attend interviews.

The second reason is weight gain. I know this isn't the ED forum so I don't want to talk to much about it as I don't want to trigger people but I wanted to mention a couple of my reasons for losing confidence.

Anyway, do you great people have any advice on how I can find my place in the world now I am home or how I can gain confidence?

Thank you in advance, lots of love to you all x

[Auror.]

Unsure what to say at the moment, but wanted to say that I remember you and it is good to hear how you are doing. It's amazing that you've been home and self harm free for that long after so long in hospital. You should be really proud of yourself.

Re your CC, is asking for a new one an option?

[UnanimousAnonymous]

I remember you too :) you were really supportive so thank you <3

And I have already tried asking for a new CC but they are short staffed so there isn't anyone who can take over :( She is just lazy and unorganised and she also lies instead of admitting she made a mistake etc and not on my level at all.

Sometimes I feel like giving up with the CMHT and just going it alone but I am also terrified to do that.

[Auror.]

I'm guessing private services are not an option?

[UnanimousAnonymous]

Unfortunately not. I’m really struggling financially at the moment as there was a problem with my PIP when I left hospital which still isn’t sorted. So I’m barely surviving financially at the moment. My dad had to transfer me some money yesterday as my electric ran out and I had no food. I get some money tonight but I owe my internet, I have run out of credit, need to pay my dad back and then get food and (my only vice) tobacco.
I’m going to try and cut down smoking from this week so I have a bit of spare money but nowhere near enough for private therapy. I wanted to be back in part time work by now so that I have guaranteed money each month but now I am to by the end of the year. Very frustrating!

[Auror.]

I wish I knew what to suggest. I just don't always understand the benefits and mental health system in your country as well as those who live there. It sounds like even though things are incredibly stressful, you're doing amazingly well in spite of ridiculous circumstances. I'm glad your dad was able to lend you some money. Do you think you could ask him for any other support if you need?

[UnanimousAnonymous]

He is great when it comes to getting food in for me if I’m low and lending money as he knows I transfer it straight back when I get money. I tell him about my care team but he doesn’t have much to say because he gives up with them to be honest and doesn’t know what else to suggest. I don’t tell him when things are bad, I guess because I don’t want to disappoint him or anyone. I feel like I’m letting them down.

They know it’s hard for me to know what to do when I have no money and no transport to just go and see friends and they know that makes me anxiety worse but my a lot of my friends and family live quite a way from me and they work too.

If I had my own car again then I would find it easier as I could just go and see people or go to different places. I would even probably find a part time job at a stables again. Unfortunately stables are usually in the middle of nowhere and are early starts so you need your own transport.

I’m so stuck at the moment. It’s hard. I’m sorry I’m feeling really negative at the moment, I’ve not slept properly in weeks.

[Auror.]

I've actually been lucky enough to find an evening barn job, but I know that's not the norm for sure. Do you think you could talk to your dad about helping figure out how to get a car for you? Having some independence and ability to get out more might be really good for your mental health.

[UnanimousAnonymous]

I don’t think he can do it. He finally treated himself to a new car last year after talking about it for at least 5yrs. He planned to wait until I could drive again so that I could have his old car but he ended up trading it in last year. He deserves the new car so I don’t blame him. My mum could easily afford to help me but she doesn’t help me at all. I didn’t even get a birthday card from her this year.

Having a car again and being able to be around horses would help my MH so much x

[Auror.]

Do you live near your dad that maybe he'd let you borrow his car on occasion? Like if he doesn't work on the weekends maybe you could borrow it for a few hours to go to a barn? Or is it worth asking your mum? It doesn't sound like you have the best relationship, so maybe there's no harm in asking? You know best obviously.

I'm assuming there are no benefits that exist that could help with something like a car?

[The Worst Witch]

First of all, I’d just like to say I do remember you posting a few years ago and have wondered how you’ve been getting on, welcome back.

I agree it would be a priority to try and get you near somewhere that is going to improve your mental health. I’m not sure what the benefits system is like, but if you get a certain amount of PIP can you apply for a mobility car? Are PIP going to pay you back the money you lost? I know what PIP are like, I sympathise - I made a claim in December and still haven’t heard anything!

If a car through PIP isn’t an option, could you ask your dad to borrow money for a car? If this isn’t possible, you could ask him if you could hold off paying him back for a bit and save the money you would use to pay him back for a car. Other options include getting a really cheap one that will get you from A to B, rather than an expensive one. Don’t lnow if any of those are options for you?