Me and my sister

[tamobhuuta]

My sister reckons her antidepressants have kicked in, now the suicidalness at the beginning has passed. Of course she is still very depressed but safeness is a good start.

[tamobhuuta]

I think my sister is getting more irritable as she eats less. Also I hate to think this but she seems to be using warnings of ED behaviours to get her way. Like just now she said, "ok, I'll throw all my fresubins away."

[Auror.]

That must be really hard to deal with. How are you coping?

[tamobhuuta]

I'm not great. I'm trying to remind myself that I'm her sister, not a medic. I lay a place for her at the dinner table so she knows she's welcome, that kind of thing. Me, I'm trying to look after myself but find myself eating my feelings and then feeling guilty.

[Auror.]

It sounds like you're doing all good things to be supportive without being pushy or trying to take on the role of a treatment provider. Feelings can be hard to deal with. Do you think from a factual standpoint you're actually overeating, or do you think you're eating a healthy amount as is, and just having some guilt in general about eating?

[tamobhuuta]

I think it's more like eating a normal amount then feeling guilty because I look so big in the mirror.

[Auror.]

Maybe it's worth trying to limit the amount of time you look at yourself in the mirror? Or trying to challenge or reframe the thoughts about your size?

[tamobhuuta]

I definitely need to spend less time in front of the mirror.

[tamobhuuta]

My sister's GP has been referred to the eating disorder unit which is great but it could be a long wait.

[Pi.R^2]

That is good news, I'm glad they're putting the wheels in motion for her getting some proper help. Did they have any suggestions/support to offer in the meantime?

[tamobhuuta]

She's been sent details of books and stuff which is good, but atm her depression is wrecking her concentration. She's having a new treatment for that so hopefully that will improve.

I feel bad because I don't get dizzy anymore, I worry i'm eating too much.

[Pi.R^2]

I hope that the new treatment helps and that she's able to engage with the materials she was recommended :)

I don't think you need to worry. It isn't a binary restricting vs eating too much- there's that place in the middle where you're eating the right amount which seems much more likely. And that would be a really great thing if you are managing to eat enough; wonderful for your body and your mind to be being fuelled sufficiently!

[tamobhuuta]

Thanks Pi.
I heard about a woman who died of anorexia and I'm worried my sister will, she's losing weight every week.

[tamobhuuta]

My mum found out what I eat for breakfast and says it's not enough but I'm not losing weight.

[Elmer]

It sounds really hard with your sister, and I really hope she gets some help with this sooner rather than later. I know that eating disorders feed off each other and if you’re in a vulnerable place with food it’s no wonder you’re struggling.

The fact you’re not losing weight doesn’t mean you’re eating enough. I’ve gained weight while restricting before. It’s about you and your body and the messages you are sending it. If you are telling your body that it can’t have enough food it’s going to start holding on to whatever it can, and sending your brain more and more frantic signals about food (I’ve had nightmares about potatoes (!?) before).

Would you be open to using BEAT’s online chat rooms or similar? They’re moderated safe places and they might be useful external sources of support. I’ve found them helpful in the past, even if I’ve not said anything, just been “with” people who understand.

[tamobhuuta]

I know my sister is using beat so I wouldn't want to invade her safe space. But thanks for the advice.

[tamobhuuta]

I'm currently on clozapine and lurasidone but my team want me to come off the lurasidone. Which is fine on one level but on another, I'm really scared about the weight gain getting bad with clozapine alone.

[tamobhuuta]

I feel really bad. I asked my sister if she was having lunch. You know, to show her that talking about food is normal. But instead she was upset.

[Pi.R^2]

Do you know why she was upset by that?

[Elmer]

There was a time when people offering me food felt like a personal attack. But that’s the ED talking, it’s not your sister. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Your sister is completely overwhelmed by her ED and it’s making her say and do things she normally wouldn’t dream of.